Woman Wants to Skip Mother-in-Law’s Birthday After Feeling ‘Emotionally Depleted’ Trying to Maintain Their Relationship

A woman has turned to Reddit for advice after deciding she doesn’t want to attend her mother-in-law’s birthday dinner this year — a choice that’s already stirring tension in her family. While she admits it’s only one evening, she says years of strained interactions and thinly veiled criticism have left her emotionally exhausted.

“My in-laws present themselves as easygoing, religious Christians,” she wrote, “but in reality they can be quite judgmental and snobbish.”

Both she and her husband are well aware of this dynamic, having repeatedly been made to feel like the problem — even in situations where it was her in-laws who had stretched the truth.

Her mother-in-law, in particular, has always made her uneasy. “She often talks about her career peak from 30 years ago and seems to judge other women through that lens,” she shared, adding that even the compliments she receives often feel insincere.

Another source of tension is her mother-in-law’s fixation on her sister, a person she’s only met once. The woman suspects it’s because her sister lives in a city her mother-in-law used to visit for business. “It feels like some strange competitiveness or projection,” she explained.

Others have noticed this dynamic as well. Her own mother has commented on how “fake-nice” her mother-in-law becomes when her sister is mentioned, prompting the couple to limit what they share about her to avoid further awkwardness.

The emotional distance was apparent from the very beginning — even on her wedding day. “The only thing she said to me was, ‘Your dress is nice,’ ” the woman recalled. “No congratulations, no meaningful words — just that.”

With another birthday on the horizon, she’s torn between preserving her mental well-being and avoiding family drama. “I know it’s just one dinner, but I always leave feeling emotionally depleted,” she wrote.

Her husband understands her feelings, but both know that skipping the event could cause more trouble. Her mother-in-law treats her birthday “like a major life event,” she said, adding that while she respects that, birthdays simply aren’t that important to her personally.

In previous years, she’s put effort into finding thoughtful gifts — like a Kindle and luxury hand cream — but says she’s never seen her mother-in-law use or even acknowledge them afterward. “It’s not about the gifts,” she admitted. “She just wants people physically present for the performance of it.”

Last year, for example, her mother-in-law had three separate groups bring her cakes. The woman and her husband took her to a nice dinner and skipped dessert, thinking it would align with her healthy eating habits — only to sense disappointment, as if they were expected to provide a fourth cake.

This year’s invitation didn’t help matters. “Just yesterday, while we were at her house, she suddenly said to me: ‘Let’s eat on 5th September, I think you’ll be free,’ ” she recalled. It wasn’t framed as a question, but rather a directive.

That struck a nerve, especially since her mother-in-law rarely speaks to her directly about other family gatherings — except when it’s her birthday, when she “corners” her in this way.

“It’s not just one dinner,” she explained. “I’m struggling to celebrate someone who never connects with me emotionally, never appreciates the gifts I give, and seems happiest when she’s comparing me or my family unfavorably to hers.”

Now, she’s left wondering: “AITA for wanting to sit this one out? If yes, what should I do?”