Woman Says She’s Planning to Get Married Without Telling Her Family: ‘I Want It to Be Very Small and Private’

A bride-to-be says she will not walk down the aisle if her extended family is invited to the wedding.

She explained in a post on Mumsnet that her fiancé doesn’t care about having a large ceremony since he has been married before. The woman also shared that attending other people’s weddings convinced her that a “traditional” wedding isn’t right for her.

She said her main goal is to avoid stress, such as making guest lists and planning a big meal.

“I don’t want to share the day with other people or be stared at, taken photos of without knowing, or be separated from my close family just to talk with people I hardly ever see,” she wrote. “I don’t expect any gifts or involvement from others either.”

The bride-to-be added that she doesn’t judge others for their wedding choices, but for her, a “very small and private” ceremony feels right.

“I have a complicated family and his family is huge, so it isn’t possible for us to have a wedding that involves anyone else apart from us and our children,” she explained. “If I can’t have a quiet, intimate wedding with just us, then I will not get married at all.”

She noted that since their engagement was private, a small wedding with their children would be “perfect.”

Still, both families keep asking questions about the wedding and seem to believe they’ll be invited, even if it’s very small.

“DP [dear partner] can’t decide if WABU [we are being unreasonable] to be vague and noncommittal about any wedding chat, or is it just better to let people down gently and be up front,” she wrote.

She also asked, “AIBU [am I being unreasonable] to be weirded out that people like watching someone get married who is so visibly uncomfortable with the concept of being watched 😂.”

Hundreds of people replied to her post, with many suggesting she go ahead with a private wedding and share the news later.

“Just go and have your private little wedding and enjoy it,” one person commented. “You don’t have to have a full, overblown friends and family event. Do what makes you both happy. I expect most people will be happy they don’t have to go to another expensive wedding.”

Another added, “If your families are both understanding and decent, tell them up front that you are getting married for legal reasons and don’t want a ‘wedding.’ Therefore, there isn’t an event or anything. You are just taking a day off and having fun with the kids. If your families have a form for any bad behavior, get married and tell them after.”

Others said honesty is best: “You’re being unreasonable to be vague about it. Just tell them. Celebrate with them another time, or just don’t. It’s easiest to be honest so everyone is clear.”