People often like to talk about themselves. On dates, at work, and especially on social media, many try to highlight their achievements to look impressive.
But this usually doesn’t work, says Adam Grant, a bestselling author and organizational psychologist at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania.
“For the most part, bragging about your accomplishments is ineffective and often counterproductive, because people don’t consider you a credible source of what you’re a genius at,” Grant explains. He’s studied human behavior for over 20 years, including “lots of research on self-promotion.”
Bragging can even backfire. “Constantly broadcasting successes is not a sign of success,” Grant wrote on LinkedIn last month. “It’s a mark of insecurity. Insecure people only talk up their wins. They brag to get attention.”
The better strategy, Grant says, is to let others do the talking for you. “You really want other people to sing your praises, because they’re more credible, and that doesn’t call your character into question.”
You can make this happen by building strong relationships in both your personal and professional life. For example, at work, you might help your manager train new employees or regularly share creative ideas in team meetings. Later, when you’re up for a promotion, your boss can easily recommend you as a supportive and creative team player.
Lisa Skeete Tatum, CEO of the career coaching platform Landit, calls these kinds of people “sponsors.” They highlight your strengths when you’re not in the room, she told CNBC Make It in 2022.
“I would not be where I am today if it wasn’t for people who believed in me … who saw something in me and took a chance, who helped me see things I didn’t even know were possible,” Tatum said.
Of course, some situations call for self-promotion, like a job interview or performance review. In those cases, Grant suggests focusing on achievements you can clearly prove.
Instead of saying you’re the most athletic person in your family, for example, you could say you’ve completed the New York City Marathon twice. “Make sure you’re sharing things that are objectively verifiable, as opposed to bragging about how you’re a genius or the best public speaker in world history,” Grant advises.
He also recommends mentioning the challenges you faced along the way, such as finding time to train or building your endurance. “Secure people are open about their failures too,” he wrote on LinkedIn. “They share their peaks and valleys to inspire others.”
