A woman shared on Reddit that she got upset with her boyfriend after he ignored her request and made their pasta too spicy — something that has been a long-running issue in their relationship.
Posting on Reddit’s “Am I The A——?” page, the 24-year-old explained the ongoing conflict with her 23-year-old boyfriend, who she has been with for almost five years.
“We live together and both of us cook for each other sometimes,” she wrote, noting that she “absolutely CANNOT handle anything spicy” because “it just ruins any food for me.”
According to her, her boyfriend is well aware of this but “every single time he cooks he makes it spicy.” She added that he tries to cover it up with other flavors and denies it when she asks if he used spice.
The problem came up again when he recently made spaghetti.
“I begged him PLEASE do not put anything hot in it,” she recalled, clarifying that he was free to season his own plate however he wanted.
Still, when she served herself, the pasta was “spicy ASF.” When she asked him what he added, he claimed it was “nothing, maybe it was the sausage.” But when she checked the stove, she saw red pepper flakes around the pot.
She confronted him, but he accused her of being “ungrateful.” When she walked away, he began yelling at her.
In another comment, she added: “He likes to cook and I absolutely have no idea why he does this to me. What really pisses me off is he acts like he didn’t put anything in it — like I wouldn’t notice. So my question is — am I the a——?”
The Reddit community quickly supported her, saying her boyfriend was wrong and should respect her preferences.
One commenter asked, “What else does he know about you that he chooses to blatantly ignore, lie about or do the opposite of and then gaslight you on?”
Others wondered if the boyfriend even cared about her, since he repeatedly disregards her wishes. “This guy is awful,” one person wrote. “Lots of people don’t just dislike spicy food — they can’t eat it. Different people have different tolerance for spice/heat.”
Another reply questioned his intentions: “Why is he so fixated on making you food and sneaking hot spice into it? This is very weird. WORSE, he is lying about it. And trying to make you feel guilty about it.”
Some commenters even suggested she end the relationship. “He sounds terrible,” one response read. “Of course, he’ll tell everyone it’s because ‘she didn’t like spicy food’ but you will know the whole story. It wasn’t really ever about spicy food.”
