Man Confused Why Wife, Who’s on Maternity Leave, Is Mad About His Social Life: ‘Isn’t Her Day Less Stressful Than Mine

A dad canceled plans to play football with his friends after work when his wife got upset that he hadn’t asked her first.

The man, who has two young children with his wife, shared his story on the community forum Mumsnet. His wife is currently on maternity leave caring for their kids while he works full-time. He admitted he doesn’t understand why she was angry, asking, “Isn’t her day less stressful than mine?”

“My wife and I have been married for over six years and have two young children — our son is 3, and our daughter is 6 months and currently breastfed,” he wrote.

“A friend invited me to play football after work. It’s been a while since I’ve had time for myself, so I accepted. Around midday, I let my wife know I’d be playing for 90 minutes.”

But his wife was upset that he hadn’t asked her if it was okay for her to handle the kids during that time. He said he ended up canceling the game. Later, she told him she had hoped they could go on a family walk after work since she hardly sees him during the day.

She also reminded him that “maternity leave isn’t a holiday.”

The husband explained their daily responsibilities. “She spends her time breastfeeding, watching TV, napping, and bonding with the children. We’re currently staying with her parents, so she doesn’t have to cook or manage household chores.”

He added that his own schedule is demanding: “I’m working full-time, attending meetings, and mentally drained by the end of the day. After work, I help with cooking, cleaning, bedtime routines, bathing, reading stories, calming our daughter, changing nappies, playing with the kids, handling paperwork, mowing the lawn, and washing the car. The only things I don’t do are laundry and lunch prep.”

He also said he doesn’t mind taking care of the kids when his wife wants to meet friends or have alone time. But he admitted, “I’m struggling to understand why I need explicit permission to do something for myself, especially when I gave her notice well in advance.”

On Mumsnet, a poll of more than 1,500 people found that 65% thought he was being unreasonable.

One reader commented, “Have you got any experience of spending a day looking after the kids on your own? If the answer is no, then you’re not in a position to decide whose day is more stressful.”

Another added, “How many of your children have you grown, given birth to, sustained with your own body and looked after all day every day? Zero? What a surprise.”

But some people supported him. One user wrote, “There’s something wrong when either parent can’t have 90 minutes of downtime to enjoy a hobby in the week. When making plans, it’s always smart to let your partner know in case there’s a clash. But I wouldn’t be asking for permission like I had to ask my mom as a child.”