Bride Says She’s Considering Eloping to Avoid Having ‘Unpleasant’ Family Members at Her Wedding

A bride-to-be is feeling pressured to invite family members she doesn’t get along with to her wedding because her father is helping pay for it.

On Sunday, Aug. 31, she shared her situation on the UK forum Mumsnet. She is an only child and became very close to her dad after her mom passed away three years ago. Her dad has offered to pay for the wedding venue, while she and her fiancé will cover the rest of the costs.

She said her guest list of 60 people includes her mom’s siblings, even though her dad doesn’t get along with them. She added that she barely knows anyone on her dad’s side of the family except his sister, because the rest treated her mom badly.

“Dad now says that if my mom’s side is invited, he wants his side there too, to avoid family fallout,” she wrote. “He’s offered to pay for extra guests so we don’t have to cut friends from the list. I’m torn.”

The bride-to-be wondered whether she should compromise and invite her father’s relatives or refuse, even if it causes conflict or affects her finances.

She admitted she even thought about eloping to avoid the situation, “though we genuinely want to celebrate with loved ones and friends.”

“The wedding is next year and we’re at the point of putting deposits down on things as well,” she said. She added that she and her fiancé save around $1,000 a month for their wedding.

Desperate for advice, she asked forum members whether she was being reasonable or unreasonable.

The majority of responses encouraged her to reject her dad’s financial offer and focus on having her dream wedding or eloping.

“Don’t invite anyone who wasn’t kind to your mom,” one person wrote. “You may feel upset that your mom isn’t there on your wedding day, so the presence of people who treated her badly will make you feel worse. Your dad shouldn’t be using the promise of financial help to invite people you don’t want to invite. Your loyalty (and his) should be with your late mom.”

Another commented, “I would have the wedding you want. If you give someone a gift, it should not come with strings. We paid for both our children’s weddings and did not put any conditions on this. We only gave advice when asked.”

A third added, “Elope and spend the money on a mega honeymoon! Or just have a civil ceremony and party at a pub with friends and family and spend the rest of the money on a mega honeymoon.”

Some people felt her dad had a point about inviting both sides of the family.

“I think it’ll be weird to invite some aunts/uncles but not others,” one person said. “I can imagine it being really hard for your dad if you don’t invite his siblings. I’d suck it up for your dad’s sake.”

“I don’t think it’s unreasonable that he wants to invite his siblings when your mom’s siblings are invited, especially when he is contributing to your wedding,” another wrote. “He will be the one dealing with the fallout of it. I wouldn’t want to put that stress on a parent. Fair enough if you were paying for it all, but you’re not.”