Stepmom Refuses to Invite 17-Year-Old’s ‘Rude’ Biological Mother to Teen’s Birthday Celebration

A woman asked Reddit for advice after a tricky birthday situation with her stepdaughter left her family questioning their choices.

She explains that in her family, birthdays are celebrated with a special tradition. “Every year in our family, we celebrate birthdays by taking the birthday person out to dinner wherever they want to go,” she writes.

This year, her 17-year-old stepdaughter made a request that complicated everything. The teen wanted her mother to attend the dinner, even though the adults don’t get along.

“In the past, we have allowed her mom to attend events we’ve hosted. Every single time she has been rude, dismissive, and on some occasions has even made negative comments about me to others,” the stepmother shares.

She adds that while her stepdaughter’s mom often hosts events for the kids, she has “never once invited us.” Despite this, she and her husband tried to keep the peace.

But things got worse when the other woman crossed a line. “The last straw was when she told someone she wishes something would happen to me,” the stepmom recalls. After that, they stopped including her.

“We don’t want someone at an event we’re hosting if they have so much hate for us and are going to bring negativity and badmouth us,” she explains.

Even so, this choice hasn’t been easy for the family. Last year, they tried to make adjustments to keep their stepdaughter happy.

“Last year, we hosted my stepdaughter’s birthday a week early so she could spend her actual birthday with her mom,” the stepmother explains. But even then, it didn’t feel like enough. “Still, she was upset that her mom couldn’t come to our celebration,” she admits.

The stepmother says her stepdaughter is very aware of the negativity from her mom. “She tells us herself how her mom constantly talks badly about us,” she writes. But when it’s time to celebrate, “she still wants her mom included in our events but never the other way around.”

That dynamic happened again this year. “Now, after already celebrating with her mom yesterday, she asked if her mom could also come to today’s birthday dinner,” the woman shares. When the parents said no, the teen showed her disappointment.

“She told us she’d rather spend her actual birthday with her mom instead of coming to dinner with us,” the stepmother explains. That decision hurt, especially for the girl’s father. “My husband is really hurt because he feels like she’s treating him as ‘second best’ and holding us to a standard she doesn’t hold her mom to,” she admits.

The stepmother shows she understands the situation is complicated. “I understand that kids often give the less involved parent a pass while holding the more present parent to higher expectations,” she writes. Still, it’s emotionally tough. “But it’s exhausting and honestly painful to feel like no matter what we do, we’re always second fiddle,” she admits.

She says she and her husband have done most of the parenting. “We’ve done almost everything for the kids while their mom does the bare minimum,” she says. “Yet she gets the praise, and we’re made to feel like the bad guys.”

Now, the couple is considering whether to hold the dinner at all. “So we’re contemplating not having the birthday dinner at all this year,” the woman writes, noting that her stepdaughter is 17. She asks Reddit a simple but heavy question: “AITA?”

One commenter offered advice that resonated with others. “My guess is the mom uses manipulation to make your stepdaughter feel badly for her being ‘left out’ when she isn’t invited,” the reply read. The commenter added that even though the girl may somewhat recognize this, “it is still her mother and the manipulation works.”

They also pointed out that the teen is old enough to understand why her parents are no longer together. “While in the future y’all may need to be together for big events such as graduation, weddings, et…. A birthday does not fall into those large events categories,” the commenter explained.

Their advice was clear: “If the daughter really wants to skip her dinner and be with her mom, let her.”