Mom Paid Off Her Daughter’s Student Loans. When Her Son, Who Didn’t Go to College, Demanded the Same Amount, She Said No

A mom is questioning her decision after refusing to give her son the same financial support she provided for her daughter’s student loans.

The original poster (OP) shared her story on Reddit’s AITA and explained that after her husband unexpectedly died in 2024 from a heart attack, she received a life insurance payout and has been carefully managing it. Recently, she decided to use $60,000 of that money to pay off her 30-year-old daughter’s student loans.

OP explained that when her daughter was 18, she encouraged her to attend university, believing it was the best path. Her daughter earned a degree in history, but like OP’s own undergraduate experience, it didn’t lead to a high-paying job, leaving her with significant debt.

When she turned 30, OP’s daughter went back to school to pursue a law degree. She now has a solid career in her field, but her debt doubled. OP felt partially responsible for her daughter’s financial struggles since she had pushed her toward college when her daughter wasn’t ready.

After receiving her late husband’s life insurance payout, OP felt she could help and decided to pay off her daughter’s loans.

“She was in the first few years of her law job paying back more than the minimum in an attempt to reduce her debt faster, so she was trying to help herself,” OP explained.

Her younger son, however, never went to university. He dropped out of high school at 15 and has been working as a postal service worker. He has no student loans.

“When he found out I paid off her loans because I accidentally sent him a text message meant for her, he demanded the same amount in cash,” OP said. “I told him that I’ve done this specifically because it’s an educational expense.”

OP added that giving her son the cash would feel unfair to her daughter, who had completed a degree under her mother’s encouragement. She also worried that her son might spend the money impulsively. She asked Reddit if she was wrong for saying no.

Many commenters agreed that OP wasn’t wrong, but suggested she could offer her son the same amount if he chose to pursue education in the future.

“Tell him you’re happy to set aside the same amount for educational expenses for him. He can choose to use it, or not,” one person wrote.

Another commenter pointed out that while OP isn’t wrong, her son might still feel slighted.

“NAH. However, your son has a point, and he will feel slighted unless you treat him as equally as possible given that his situation is different,” they said. “Maybe you could tell him that if he ever buys a house or starts a business, you will help him out at that time. Just so he knows that his sister isn’t the only one you’ll provide extra support for.”

A few others felt OP had created a double standard, favoring one child over the other.

“I mean you forced your daughter into this debt doing something she didn’t want or need without any help while you let your minor son drop out at 15? Do you not see the double standard here?” one person wrote.

“From your son’s perspective, he probably watched all that happen and knew you thought he was ‘too stupid.’ ‘Why didn’t you push him when you pushed her hard? Was he not good enough? And now she gets all the money too?’ That does seem unfair to him,” they added.

“From your daughter’s perspective, it is right. You are at fault. She even has this debt so you should pay it off, plus all the stress and pressure you caused.”