Woman Draws Line After Ex-Stepmom Demands Late Dad’s Death Certificate

A woman turned to Reddit for guidance after losing her father and clashing with her former stepmother over a sensitive request. The poster, 30, shared that her father, 63, recently passed away, and she and her sibling, Taylor, are handling everything as his next of kin.

She explained that her dad had been divorced for nearly 15 years from her ex–stepmother, Helga, following a brief five-year marriage. “They were married about 5 years, had no kids, and she wasn’t financially dependent on him,” she wrote, adding that Helga remarried a couple of years later but would occasionally check in with her dad.

When her father passed, Helga initially offered to help with arrangements. “She tried helping us pick a funeral home and even suggested getting the state to cover his cremation since Taylor and I were paying,” the poster recalled. Helga also offered to contribute photos for the memorial.

However, the situation soon took a turn. “Helga has also continuously asked for the death certificate,” the poster explained.

Taylor informed Helga that she was handling the paperwork with the funeral home. Minutes later, the poster received a direct text from Helga requesting a copy.

“I responded: ‘I’m not comfortable providing Dad’s death certificate. It contains sensitive personal details and I need to protect that,’ ” she explained, directing Helga to the state’s Vital Records office to determine if she was eligible to request one herself.

Initially, the matter seemed resolved. “She replied that was fine, asked if I had gotten one yet, and thanked me when I said we were still waiting. I thought it was a mature conversation,” the daughter wrote.

But Helga later approached Taylor, expressing her frustration. “She then texted Taylor upset that I ‘said no to getting me a death certificate so I feel very hurt. He and I talked a lot. I will think about sending pictures. It’s not fair,’ ” the post continued.

Taylor reminded her that they were grieving as well, but Helga pushed back. “She said, ‘I know what hurt is… but there’s really no reason I shouldn’t be able to have a certificate. I have the marriage license and other papers. Just wanted to close my file,’” the poster recalled.

Taylor grew frustrated and responded firmly. “Taylor told her Vital Records will determine eligibility, and that withholding pictures of Dad because she didn’t get her way was immature and hurtful, and that pictures are not a bargaining chip for documents,” the daughter explained.

Despite this, Helga continued. “She replied, ‘I can say the same. I have his SS number and DOB. Remember I was married to him almost 6 years. If I find pics with you girls I’ll send. If you can’t say how he passed then it must be really bad. May God rest his soul.’”

The siblings were left feeling uneasy. “We haven’t responded since, but it feels so wrong,” the daughter shared.

She insisted she did the right thing by directing Helga to the state office rather than providing the document herself. “She isn’t entitled to his death certificate and I advised her how to get one if she feels she should have one,” she explained.

However, the poster admitted Helga’s persistence and choice of words left her uneasy. “The way she’s demanding it makes me uneasy and like I am being used for something slimy,” she wrote.

Reddit commenters rallied behind the woman. One said, “NTA. Don’t know why she’d think she was entitled to this paperwork since she’s been an ex more than twice as long as she was his wife. Odd behavior for sure. Stand your ground on this.”

Another noted the practical side. “NTA – typically a widow will need extra copies of the death certificate to remove names from things like the bank account, electric and gas bills. If she’s been divorced and remarried, there shouldn’t be any accounts with his and her name from way back then. I think you’re right directing her to the records people.”