After a decade of marriage, a woman turned to Reddit for support, revealing her growing frustration with a husband who has remained secretive about his finances since the beginning of their relationship.
In her post, the 42-year-old said she and her 48-year-old husband have three children, but openness around money has never been part of their marriage.
“He has always been really secretive with his finances and was kind of showy when we dated, letting me know he could ‘take care of me,’” she wrote. At first, she said, he seemed confident and generous, creating an image of financial security.
She explained that she worked until health issues during her first pregnancy required her to stay home. “I stayed home during pregnancy and the babies’ first years, otherwise I have worked,” she shared. Although she contributes to household expenses, her husband earns far more — including extra income from an inherited investment property.
“I try to pay some of the bills, but he generally makes much more than I do,” she wrote. “With that, he makes about 2.5 times what I do.” Despite the difference, she said she handles groceries, her personal bills, and several household costs.
What troubles her most, she said, is his refusal to be transparent. “My issue is he will not tell me his finances,” she wrote. Over the years, she’s learned that he repeatedly fell into deep credit card debt — each time being bailed out by others.
“At three different points in his life, he has had someone bail him out of major credit card debt that he didn’t have to pay back,” she revealed, adding that his parents often came to his rescue. She believes that safety net has encouraged poor financial habits.
“It’s frustrating,” she continued. “Not because I’m jealous, but because he makes enough that if he budgeted and was honest with me, we would be fine.” Despite years of discussions, she said the problem has never changed.
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Their recent move only reignited old tensions. “He has been listing things for sale on marketplace and not letting me know he is selling them,” she wrote. Some of the items, she said, were sentimental — including furniture his late mother gifted them and a lamp she loved.
“Now I never know what is going to be missing from the house,” she added. When she asked him to communicate before selling anything, he brushed it off, saying he “forgets.” After years of the same behavior, she admitted she’s “beyond frustrated” and “at [her] wits’ end.”
“This has been 10 years of him and his BS, and I’m honestly considering divorcing him after our move if things do not change,” she wrote. Although she’s tried to give him time to improve, little progress has been made.
She also described the uneven workload at home. “I have been responsible for packing everything,” she said. Even after his mother’s passing, when her belongings were moved into their garage, the emotional and physical burden fell on her.
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“It’s been 2.5 years and he has done nothing with almost an entire house’s worth of stuff in our garage,” she explained. While he occasionally sells some of those items, she said he often sells things she wants to keep, then spends the money and complains he’s broke.
“He will sell this stuff, spend the money, and then complain he is broke and we can’t replace it,” she wrote.
In the comments, one reader summed up her situation: “It’s going to be bad for you if he’s actually swimming in debt and good (I guess) if he’s actually wealthy. Did you sign a prenup?” The woman replied, “No prenup, and his dad is very informed of his ways and is taking precaution with inheritance.”
