A woman turned to Reddit for advice after realizing that one of her closest friends had been consistently taking her for granted. In her post, she described how she had unintentionally become her group’s “default host,” always expected to plan and organize gatherings without much appreciation or help in return.
Although she admitted she enjoyed hosting — especially during holidays — the expectation had begun to feel draining. “Being volunteered to host and being expected to do it without the barest consideration for the amount of money, time, and effort it takes to host is quite frustrating,” she wrote.
One friend, whom she called “Mike,” was the main source of her frustration. “He does it the most AND always assumes he can stay the night,” she explained, adding that she constantly felt pressured to keep her guest room ready. Despite bringing it up several times, Mike always brushed it off with jokes.
What truly upset her was his lack of respect for her time. “Mike will insist on a specific date and time, and then the day of, he’s either hours early or hours late with little to no notice,” she said. On multiple occasions, she had rushed home to prepare dinner only to receive a last-minute message that he’d be arriving hours later.
She described one particularly aggravating evening: “It’s irritating to rush home and schedule my plans around being back at 3 p.m. for a 5 p.m. dinner, and then at 4:30 have Mike text me he’s going to actually get there at 9 p.m.” His excuses were rarely valid emergencies — he might need to charge his phone, take a nap, or bring an unexpected guest.
This inconsiderate behavior extended beyond her home. “Mike also does this when we meet in person,” she added.
When Halloween — her favorite holiday — rolled around, Mike once again assumed she would host. She agreed to a dinner and movie marathon, only for him to text hours before that he’d be late because he wanted to make up for a missed gym session caused by too much gaming the night before.
“I know the gym is important to him, he gave me 12 hours’ notice, and it’s a holiday so I feel like I should give him grace,” she admitted. “But I’m also so angry that playing video games and going to the gym come so far ahead of me in his priorities.”
Her frustration ran deeper than one ruined plan. “I’ve been there through his breakups, his job struggles, his mental health,” she wrote. “I’m always there for him, but he can’t show me the barest amount of consideration.”
Despite trying to set boundaries, Mike ignored them. “Even when he’s gotten here 1.5–2 hours late, he still insists on coming in and hanging out, completely ignoring the boundary,” she said.
With Halloween approaching, she found herself conflicted. “I don’t want to start a fight or ruin Halloween for myself,” she wrote. “But if he can plan so far in advance that he’s going to be late, then I feel like he should be able to get to his plans with me on time too. Would I be the a—— if I tell him not to come over if he’d rather go to the gym instead?”
Reddit users were quick to support her. One wrote bluntly, “YTA to yourself. Stop being such a doormat and say no. Don’t answer the door if he’s way early. If he’s going to be way late, then let him know that doesn’t work for you. If he shows up, again, don’t answer the door.”
Another encouraged her to reclaim her time and space: “Don’t answer the door. Put him on mute
