Woman Feels Like an ‘Outsider’ Living Abroad Because Locals Will Speak English and Not Their Native Language to Her

A woman living abroad says her long-term experience has been overshadowed by the way locals treat her — despite her fluency in their language.

Posting on the U.K. forum Mumsnet, she explained that she has lived outside the U.K. for “many years” and speaks the local language fluently, though with an accent. Still, she believes her appearance — “tall and blond” in a place where “most people here are smaller and darker” — marks her as different, and she’s reminded of that regularly.

She shared that when she asks questions in the native language, shop assistants often switch to English. While she understands that some may want to practice or provide good service, she says it feels like a constant reminder she doesn’t belong.

“I’m absolutely fed up,” she wrote, “increasingly, it just feels like I’m being reminded that I’m foreign and need to get back in my box.”

She added that when she asks people if they are speaking English because she “looks foreign,” the conversation usually shifts back to their native language — but her partner, who is a local, believes that approach is rude.

Looking for guidance, she asked fellow users whether it would be wrong to tell locals that switching languages makes her feel like an outsider.

Many responded that she may be reading too much into the situation. One commenter advised her to release the frustration: “It’s not personal, you need to let it go. It’s really not worth the headspace.”

Another suggested simply continuing the conversation in the local language with a smile. Others agreed that the locals likely mean no harm and are not trying to “put [her] back in [her] box.”

Still, some offered support and understanding. One user wrote, “If you’re speaking well in the local language, others should respond in their native language,” adding that she could politely compliment them on their English while continuing in the local tongue.