Woman Considers Ending Her Relationship After Realizing She’s More Driven Than Her Boyfriend

A young woman turned to Reddit after months of quiet doubt about whether her relationship still fit the future she wants.

In her post, she shared that she is a 20-year-old woman dating a 20-year-old man, and that after six months together she’d started to wonder if it might be time to move on. She described her boyfriend as “a great guy,” but said their paths — and their pace in life — seemed to be drifting apart.

At home, she explained, she throws herself into a job she’s passionate about. Outside of work, she spends her time seeing friends, going to concerts and working through online college classes. Her long-term goals are clear, and one of the biggest is building a life in New York, where she hopes to chase opportunities in the fashion world and enjoy a busy city lifestyle. Her boyfriend, meanwhile, appears content to remain in a small town close to the countryside.

Her worries grew as she watched him stay in a job he says he doesn’t even like. According to her, his boss “yells at him for small things and threatens to fire him often,” despite the fact that he has the credentials to join “a better company at a better location.” After three years, he still lives with a roommate just a block from his parents’ house and doesn’t seem in a hurry to change his situation.

As she continued to travel, study and stretch herself, she felt he was slipping into a kind of autopilot. She wrote that he no longer engaged in conversation the way he once did, and that this slow fade made her “zoom out and see the bigger picture.” She believed he cared about her and treated her kindly, but the growing lack of communication left her uneasy.

Trying to help, she introduced him to possible job leads through her mother’s contacts, yet “he has made no efforts to move forward in any of those things.” She described herself as someone who lives life on “fast mode,” packing her days with experiences and accomplishments — from traveling to applying for her passport — as she works toward bigger dreams.

She acknowledged that not everyone moves as quickly as she does, and even admitted that her intensity can be overwhelming. What scared her most, though, was the idea that “in the long run” he might not be happy with the changes needed to stay in her life. She said she had been open from “week 1” that she wanted to move out of state, and that he had always been supportive in theory.

Even so, every visit left her with the same nagging feeling. She confessed that spending time with him sometimes felt like she was “taking time from living my life and building friend groups I want,” which made her question whether their futures were truly compatible. She asked the community whether her concerns were “a valid feeling” or if she was unfairly judging his lifestyle.

Things came to a head when his gaming habits increased while their connection shrank. She wrote that he now spends “pretty much all his free time” gaming — even when she comes over or when they haven’t really talked all day. “We used to call every night,” she said, but lately he seems “too distracted to actually have a good conversation.”

Some friends suggested she might be magnifying one issue and letting it color the entire relationship. She, however, wondered if she was simply “seeing reality,” and admitted that she longs for a partner who will “challenge me to push harder in life” rather than shy away from deeper discussions.

One commenter offered advice that struck her: at 20, she has the freedom to create the life she wants, and that includes ending a relationship that no longer feels right. They reminded her that she can “break up with anyone, for any reason, at any time,” and encouraged her to pursue her dreams and travel if that’s what she truly wants.

The poster agreed that she feels a pull to “do more in life,” and thanked others for their support. When she asked whether she should end the relationship “even though nothing bad has really happened,” she seemed closer than ever to accepting that drifting apart can be reason enough to walk away.