New Mom Struggles with Anxiety After Partner Has Female Coworker in Their Home

A woman turned to Reddit for support after a serious breach of trust left her overwhelmed with anxiety just as her boyfriend was preparing to go out of town.

She explained that a few weeks earlier, she had “caught [her] boyfriend in a BIG lie” involving one of his female coworkers being alone with him inside their home. At the time, she was “across the country for the holiday,” which made finding out about the situation even more upsetting.

She said she knows the coworker personally and had “never gotten that vibe” that anything romantic was going on. Still, the coworker being alone with him at their house — and the fact that he lied about it — raised uncomfortable questions she couldn’t ignore.

Even though her boyfriend insisted that “nothing happened,” hiding the coworker’s visit shattered her sense of security. She wrote that it felt “weird AF” that the coworker had been alone with him in their home, and the lie afterward left her feeling deeply unsettled about the relationship.

In an effort to repair the damage, the couple began both individual therapy and couples counseling. She shared that she hasn’t yet decided if the relationship will last, saying that its future “is more so based on how things go.”

While they were still in this fragile stage, her boyfriend planned a weekend trip out of town to support his brother at a bodybuilding competition. She said she told him multiple times over the previous two weeks that “it is not a good time” for him to travel and that she wished he would stay.

He repeatedly tried to reassure her by saying, “It will be fine I promise,” but her anxiety didn’t ease. She emphasized that she didn’t believe he would cheat on the trip itself, noting that “his grandmother is staying in his hotel room.” Still, the thought of him leaving while things felt so unstable was overwhelming.

The night before he was supposed to leave, everything came to a head. She told him plainly, “I did not want him to leave town this weekend,” and tried to explain how she “couldn’t shake” the anxiety. When he again told her she didn’t need to worry, she broke down and asked why she had to feel this way at all.

She reminded him that he had “put us into this situation,” and now she was the one in emotional distress while he still got to do something he wanted. The conversation grew tense as she waited to see what he would decide. Eventually, he gave in and said, “Fine, I’ll text my brother that I can’t go.”

Instead of feeling relief, she cried even harder. She felt instant guilt, worrying she was taking away her boyfriend’s role as his brother’s “biggest support person” on such an important day. She added that she and his brother are close and that she knows how hard he has worked to prepare for the competition.

Her boyfriend told her he felt stuck no matter what he chose. According to her, he said that “regardless of what decision he makes, he loses,” because staying home would let his family down, but leaving would strain their already fragile relationship.

She stressed that she didn’t want him to stay just because he felt pressured. She wanted him to think through the situation and make the choice on his own, hoping he would recognize how serious things felt for her without needing to be pushed.

At the same time, she couldn’t shake the worry that his brother would feel abandoned if he didn’t show up. She wrote that she “cannot help to feel guilty,” even though she logically understood that she wasn’t the one who created the original breach of trust.

Her frustration grew when one commenter suggested that if she couldn’t trust her boyfriend even while he was sharing a hotel room with his grandmother, the relationship might already be over. The commenter questioned what she was “working so hard to save,” reminding her that he was the one who damaged the trust in the first place.

The poster clarified that she wasn’t actually afraid he would cheat during the trip, saying, “I know he isn’t going to cheat on me while staying with his grandmother.” For her, the pain was rooted in anxiety and the lingering hurt from his earlier lie, and she added that “it just feels unfair that I have to feel this way.”

She also shared that she is “5 months post partum” and caring for two children, making the emotional burden even heavier. Weighing whether to let him go on the trip or ask him to stay, she felt like either choice came with its own kind of loss.

In the end, she wondered if she would be in the wrong “if he stays behind on my account,” feeling torn between wanting to protect her healing process and not wanting to be the reason he missed a major moment for his family.