Woman Refuses to Contribute in Potlucks After Husband’s Family ‘Refused to Touch’ Anything She Brought

A woman asked Reddit for advice after years of feeling singled out at her husband’s large family potlucks—where, she says, anything she brings is ignored.

“I have a few ‘family secret’ recipes that have always been a huge hit at potlucks,” she wrote, explaining that people back home “raved about them, and practically begged me to bring them.” She’d always been confident in her cooking—until she started attending gatherings with her husband’s relatives.

After moving away and getting married, she found herself in a different kind of food culture. “His family is enormous,” she explained, adding that nearly every get-together is potluck-style simply because so many people show up.

At her first Thanksgiving with them, she brought her upside-down pumpkin pie—expecting at least a few bites out of curiosity. Instead, she said, “This massive family refused to touch it,” and she ended up taking the entire pie home untouched.

She tried again the next year. Same outcome.

One year, she said, a relative brought a friend from work who tried her pie and praised it loudly. Even then, she wrote, no one else from the family reached for a slice—and the dessert went to waste yet again.

Hoping a different dish might change things, she brought another recipe that she knew was a crowd-pleaser: “One year I made my family’s secret cheesecake recipe,” she wrote, adding that even her picky husband loved it.

That attempt stung the most. She noticed only one slice was missing—then, while cleaning up, she found that slice in the trash. “When I went to clean up I found that slice in the trash,” she said, emphasizing it was untouched and the rest of the cheesecake was left uneaten.

After that, she stopped bringing homemade food altogether and tried contributing in smaller, safer ways. It didn’t help.

“Soda? No, they went on a soda run to get their own,” she wrote. She also tried bringing coffee since her in-laws were big coffee drinkers. “I didn’t cheap out,” she explained, saying she bought their favorite French vanilla blend and name-brand creamer—yet it still went untouched. Over time, she said, the rejection became so normal that her mother-in-law even openly voiced her dislike of the coffee.

Eventually, she decided to step back entirely. “At this point, I avoid the topic entirely and give whatever excuse I can to not bring anything,” she admitted.

She added that her husband understands why she’s upset, though she clarified, “This isn’t about him.” Her question for Reddit: was she wrong for refusing to contribute to his family’s potlucks?

Commenters largely supported her—and many were alarmed by how consistent the behavior seemed.

“This sounds like they are personally targeting you. With a crowd that big and not one person eats anything you make at any of the potlucks… I don’t know what is going on, but it sounds like a form of organized group bullying,” one commenter wrote. “There’s no way not one single person eats anything you make in a large group like that unless you’re targeted.”

Others echoed the same concern and wondered why no one—especially her husband—had ever directly asked what the issue was.

“This has been going on for years and you and your husband have never asked anyone from his side of the family what’s going on?” another commenter asked.