A man turned to Reddit to share his struggle with wanting his longtime girlfriend to step out of her comfort zone. The 28-year-old explains that he and his girlfriend, also 28, have been together for seven years, coming from very different backgrounds.
“For context, I came from a broken family, and growing up, we couldn’t even afford electricity,” he writes. He recalls living in “a small wooden house at the top of the mountain” before graduating from public school and eventually finding a job abroad.
His girlfriend, he says, has experienced a far more stable life. “She’s very comfortable, not rich but comfortable,” he explains, noting that she graduated from a university where “her 1 semester of tuition is equivalent to 4 different bachelor courses, for 4 years in my school.” Even now, despite working, she is “being dropped off and picked up by her Father.”
The poster says they have discussed their future together and agree that moving abroad would be ideal. “I know she is so underpaid,” he explains, adding that he encourages her to look for work overseas because her profession is in high demand internationally.
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However, bringing up the topic often leads to conflict. “Every time this is open[ed] up, it leads to a fight,” he says, sharing that his girlfriend frequently finds reasons not to pursue the opportunity, citing fear or worry about failing.
He stresses that finances shouldn’t be a concern, since he has offered to cover her expenses. Even after sending her job postings, she still won’t apply.
Now, the poster questions whether his persistence makes him the bad guy. “Am I forcing her? Am I bad for wanting her to rise above with me?” he asks. He worries that perhaps his girlfriend “doesn’t have to go abroad because either way, she is comfortable.”
The frustration stems from his own painful experiences with poverty. “I’ve been very poor, and I hate it so much and don’t want to experience it again,” he shares, explaining that his desire for progress is rooted in avoiding those struggles.
Still, he admits he cannot provide the same level of comfort she is used to. “I’m just an average working guy,” he says. “I’m doing my best but even then, I wouldn’t be able to give her the comfort she wants, for now at least.”
Reddit users responded with empathy, acknowledging the challenges that come with their different upbringings. One commenter reassured him, “NTA but give her time!”
They added, “Growing up like that can be traumatic and it’s difficult to adjust and it’s normal to have a fear of going back to such a position. Give her time and open up the idea slowly! Good luck.”
