Bride Refuses to Change Wedding Plans to Accommodate Fiancé’s Family Who Can’t Afford to Attend

One bride says she isn’t willing to scale back her dream wedding for the sake of one family member’s budget.

In a recent Reddit post, the woman shared that she’s marrying her fiancé, Devon, in June after four years together and a year-long engagement. Both work in museums in Ann Arbor, Michigan — she’s a curator, and he works in education programming.

“Combined, we make around $110,000 a year,” she wrote. “We’re not rich, but we’re comfortable.”

They’ve been planning what she calls a “nice but not extravagant” wedding: about 80 guests, an $8,000 venue, a $3,000 photographer and an overall budget of roughly $35,000. “We’re paying for everything ourselves,” she added. “No family help.”

That’s where the conflict began. Devon’s younger brother, Samir, lives in Seattle and works as a freelance graphic designer. His income is inconsistent, and the cost of attending the wedding would be high. “The flight alone will be around $400, plus a hotel for three nights and a rental car,” she explained.

Last week, Devon’s mother called and asked if the couple could either move the wedding closer to Seattle or scale it down so they could help pay for Samir’s travel. “She said it’s really important that Samir is there and that we should ‘prioritize family over a fancy party,’” the bride wrote.

The bride said she turned that idea down immediately. “All of my family is in Michigan, and most of Devon’s family is here too,” she said. “It doesn’t make sense to move it across the country for one person. And we can’t afford to pay for Samir’s travel on top of everything else.”

Devon’s mother did not take the refusal well. “She said we’re being selfish and that if we can afford a $35,000 wedding, we can afford $800 for Samir’s travel,” the bride wrote. “She said Samir is going to feel terrible missing his brother’s wedding.”

Devon, meanwhile, feels caught in the middle. While he agrees that moving the wedding location isn’t practical, he’s upset that his brother may not be able to attend.

“He suggested we could downgrade some stuff to free up money to help Samir, like get a cheaper photographer or skip the DJ and just make a playlist,” the bride explained.

But she refused to make changes. “I said absolutely not. We’ve already booked and paid deposits on everything,” she wrote. “And frankly, Samir being broke isn’t our problem to solve. He’s 27 years old. If he can’t save $800 over six months for his brother’s wedding, that’s on him.”

Devon called that remark “harsh,” and his mother has since been texting the bride, calling her “cruel” and insisting that “real family helps each other.”

The bride’s maid of honor supports her stance, saying she’s right not to change the plans, but her sister disagrees. “She thinks I’m being kind of cold about it,” the bride admitted. “She said $800 isn’t that much in the scheme of a $35,000 wedding.”

Since sharing her story online, hundreds of commenters have weighed in.

Many sided with the bride, saying she shouldn’t feel obligated to overhaul her wedding or cover Samir’s expenses.

“Stand your ground,” one commenter wrote. “If he can’t afford to come to the wedding, that’s his problem. As you said, he has six months to save up. There are definitely things he could cut out to save that money.”

Others felt she could show more flexibility.

“I would give him the money for the airfare and tell him not to worry about a gift,” one user suggested. “It’s weird to loan or give someone money just so they can buy you a present — that makes no sense. The rest, suit, car, etc., could be handled by other family members.”

Another commenter added, “If your budget is so tight that you can’t spare a few hundred dollars to help your future brother-in-law attend, you’re probably overspending.”