Bride’s Family Won’t Stop Gossiping About All of Her ‘Inappropriate’ Wedding Choices Behind Her Back

A bride’s wedding day is still months away, but her family is already criticizing it behind her back, according to an anonymous letter sent to the etiquette advice column “Miss Manners,” published on AL.com.

In the submission, the bride’s 44-year-old cousin explains that several relatives — particularly some of the older women in the family — have turned the 30-year-old bride’s choices into a running topic of gossip. Every detail of the upcoming celebration is being dissected, and the cousin’s attempts to defend her have “been ignored.”

The cousin says a “growing list” of the bride’s supposedly “inappropriate” decisions has become a favorite family conversation, with more alleged missteps than they can keep track of.

Among the complaints: relatives disapprove of the couple spending “tens of thousands of dollars” on the wedding instead of putting that money toward a home or future children. They also object to the event being child-free, held on a weekday, using a QR code for RSVPs and being nonreligious. Even the bride’s plan to let her fiancé see her gown before the ceremony has become fodder for criticism.

The cousin ends the letter by asking whether these grievances are reasonable.

Judith Martin, better known by her pen name Miss Manners, replies that the family seems to be “having far too much fun” picking apart choices that might be unconventional but don’t actually burden anyone else.

She notes that engaged couples can certainly choose more traditional options if they want to make relatives comfortable, but ultimately the wedding belongs to the couple. How they spend their budget and whom they choose to officiate, she emphasizes, is their decision.

Martin points out that none of the complaints described rises above the level of minor inconvenience. Parents who are upset about the no-kids rule can arrange childcare, she suggests, and family members who struggle with technology can either ask for help with the QR code or request another way to RSVP.