A couple decided to call off their wedding after the groom’s father distributed their save-the-date invitations to numerous strangers without the couple’s consent.
In a post on Reddit’s “Wedding Drama” forum, the bride shared her surprise and frustration when her fiancé’s father sent out the wedding save-the-dates to about 20 families the couple had never met. After he refused to resolve the issue, the couple ultimately chose to cancel the entire wedding and elope instead.
Originally planning a smaller celebration, the bride and groom had invited 70 close friends and family members. When the groom’s father requested a copy of the save-the-date, they assumed it was to share with his mother, as they keep in frequent contact. However, they were shocked to discover he had sent invitations to “at least 15-20 families each with spouses [and] kids” whom neither the bride nor groom knew personally.
“I have never met any of these individuals and my fiancé has told me he doesn’t know many of them either,” the bride explained. “It has been expressed to him that we did not approve this and he said that there’s nothing we can do.”
The groom confronted his parents about the matter, but the discussion did not bring the resolution they hoped for.
“They’re angry. As we thought they would be,” the bride said. “They have said they see our point of view but won’t reach out to fix the issue. They refused to let us know who they invited and won’t let us in the group message to make the situation right.”
The groom’s parents had contributed financially to the wedding catering. While the couple understood that parents who contribute financially often expect to have some input in wedding decisions, they felt that this unauthorized distribution of invitations was a clear overstep.
When asked to rescind the invitations to the strangers, the groom’s parents retaliated by pulling half of their funding. “[They] basically told us unless we do it their way then they will not pay,” the bride said. “We gave them the other half back as well. So they’re fully refunded.”
Since no compromise was reached, the couple felt forced to cancel their original wedding plans.
“We have decided to cut our losses and cancel the original wedding we planned,” the bride said. “Looking back we always wanted a small, intimate wedding. It has turned into a bigger event than we wanted. We looked at finances/contracts and found we would lose less in deposits to cancel than we thought. We canceled everything.”
The couple now plans to elope within the next year and hold a dinner party afterward for close family and friends. “We’re both very excited to finally do it how we want without outside pressure from others,” the bride shared.
“Now, it’s time to tell FIL (father-in-law) and MIL (mother-in-law) that they get to tell those family members that the wedding is canceled. They’re angry now, but I know them. I know they will feel horrible about this situation when everything calms down,” she added.
Most Reddit users sided with the bride, agreeing that a clear boundary had been crossed. One top comment noted, “It’s your wedding, not his (groom’s father). Helping financially doesn’t mean he gets a say about the guest list.”
