A dad is asking if he was wrong for telling his wife — his daughter’s stepmom — that she couldn’t help move his daughter into college for her freshman year.
The original poster (OP) shared his story on Reddit’s AITA and explained that he, 50, and his ex-wife, 51, were married for 18 years and had two kids together — their 18-year-old daughter and a 19-year-old son. They divorced amicably after his ex-wife decided the marriage wasn’t right for her.
Six months later, OP met his current wife, 47, and they’ve been married for eight years. He said his current wife had a “tumultuous and abusive relationship” with her ex, which is still “volatile,” and she only communicates with him when she has to.
OP and his ex-wife are still friends and have a great co-parenting relationship. He noted that they only talk about kid-related things, and his current wife and ex-wife used to get along in a “pleasant and professional” way.
A few years ago, OP said he vented to his current wife about how his ex-wife travels a lot for work, which meant he had to pick up some of her responsibilities. “Mind you, this was just venting, and I honestly love any extra time I get with the kids,” OP added.
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However, his current wife texted his ex-wife, calling her a “bad mom” and telling her to pick up the slack. Since then, the relationship between OP’s current and ex-wife has been tense. OP said it’s now “basically irreparable.”
“They’re professional, but my current wife hates my ex, with very little cause in my book,” said OP. “We had to sit separately for my son’s graduation two years ago, but sat together this year for my daughter’s graduation.”
When it came time to move his daughter into college, OP said he didn’t want the tension to “ruin” his daughter’s time with her mom.
“College move-in day can be very emotional,” explained OP. “I asked my daughter about my wife coming to move in, and she said, ‘It might be too many people.’ Granted, I admit the way I asked the question was a little leading, but the tension between my ex and current wife is well-known in the family.”
OP said his current wife wasn’t invited to the move-in, and he went alone with his ex-wife. They took separate cars and stayed only a few hours, the same as when they moved their son into college last year.
“My current wife was livid, and weeks later it’s still a sore spot and led to another blowup last night, somewhat related to this,” said OP. He later apologized to his wife, admitting it was a mistake, and asked if he was wrong for not inviting her.
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Many commenters agreed OP was not wrong, saying the day was about the kid, not the adults.
“For your kids-centered events… your kids’ views need to take priority… not your wife’s petty feelings… NTA for not inviting!” one person wrote.
Another commenter said OP should focus on supporting his daughter, not apologizing for something he didn’t do wrong.
“This is about your daughter, not your wife — if your daughter doesn’t want her there, she needs to realize it’s due to her own actions causing tension at previous events,” they wrote.
A third pointed out that OP’s wife might be carrying over issues from her previous relationship.
“Sounds like your current wife is carrying insecurities from her previous marriage that are now spilling over. She loathes her ex, so it makes sense she would loathe yours,” they wrote.
“College move-in is emotional, and your daughter clearly only wanted her biological parents there. If it’s as tense as you say, that’s an easy choice. Who wants to invite guaranteed negative energy into their new chapter? You did the right thing.”
