Dad Thinks Son, 5, Needs Discipline, But Mom ‘Doesn’t Believe’ In Punishment

A parent recently turned to Reddit’s AITA community to ask if they were wrong for believing their 5-year-old son needs consequences when he doesn’t listen.

The poster explained that they share two children with their wife — a 1-year-old daughter and a 5-year-old son. The parent noted that their marriage has seen tension due to their wife’s “permissive parenting” style, which they believe is contributing to ongoing behavior issues.

“My son is wonderful, very mildly on the spectrum,” they wrote. “He has trouble making friends and part of that is because he can be very annoying.”

The parent described a recent car ride where their son repeatedly pretended to scream.

“I finally said stop it or you can’t paint when we get home,” the parent shared, noting that painting is one of the boy’s favorite activities. “This got him upset for obvious reasons. My wife says punishment doesn’t work. I ask her then why would he stop any bad behavior? She says, ‘because his consequence will be we don’t want to be around him.’”

The parent admitted their wife’s reasoning “sounds insane to me,” adding concerns about how this might affect their child’s future behavior and social development.

“I worry this will result in him growing up completely disrespecting authority,” they wrote. “Additionally, he won’t make friends because we never stop the annoying behaviour, so he won’t realize it’s wrong.”

They ended the post by asking whether they were wrong to think their son should experience some form of consequence when he doesn’t listen.

Many commenters offered thoughts and advice. One user suggested that the parent change how they frame the idea of discipline.

“Reframe it. Instead of punishment, it’s consequences,” the commenter advised. “This is absolutely something a kid needs to be prepared for, because the consequences in adult life are far worse than anything a parent should be fairly doling out.”

Another commenter, who works with children facing behavioral challenges, emphasized the importance of consistent structure.

“As someone who works with kids with behavioral issues, permissive parenting is neglect,” they wrote. “When working with kids, we do a prompting system. We explain that they have so many prompts and by the end of that, this is what will happen.”

“The kids who come into treatment can’t make friends because they can’t regulate their emotions and behaviors because parents never taught them,” they added. “Kids need structure. They crave it. All humans do. They need routine. Especially kids on the spectrum.”