Dad’s Ex-Wife Wants to Throw Their Daughter an Expensive Birthday Party. Then He’s Upset When She Asks Him to Split the Costs

A divorced father is unsure whether he’s doing the right thing by refusing to help his ex-wife pay for their daughter’s upcoming birthday party.

The man shared his situation on Reddit’s AITA forum, explaining that he lives in Connecticut, where — according to him — child support is handled a bit differently than in many other states. Even though he has his children 50% of the time, the parent receiving child support (his ex) is expected to cover the usual day-to-day expenses for the kids unless the divorce agreement specifically states otherwise.

In their case, the divorce decree says that he and his ex are only required to split uninsured medical and dental bills, along with mutually agreed-upon extracurricular activities. He said he already pays both child support and alimony, and added that his ex does not work. She also kept the house after the divorce and received a “big chunk” of their assets.

The decree also states that she was to receive enough financial resources to maintain the children’s standard of living. Still, the dad feels like he is effectively paying for child support, private school and the normal expenses for the kids when they are with him, all on his own.

This year, his daughter wants to celebrate her birthday at a trampoline park. His ex emailed him saying that she can only afford to throw the party if they split the cost. To him, the request doesn’t sit right: he doesn’t see it as something he’s legally obligated to share, and he believes she is already financially supported specifically so she can handle these types of expenses.

He stressed that he wants his daughter to have a fun birthday, but he also doesn’t think he should be paying for things that fall outside what’s written in the divorce agreement. He said that contributing toward the party feels more like a “transfer of wealth” than a shared responsibility, and asked the subreddit if he was in the wrong for refusing to pay.

In the comments, opinions were divided.

One commenter said that while the dad may be technically correct from a legal standpoint, his daughter could see things very differently.

“In the eyes of people who don’t know you and only have the details you shared, you’re NTA,” the person wrote. “In the eyes of your daughter, who will only hear that you refused to help pay for her party even though you paid for her brother’s, that’s another story. Your ex has you between a rock and a hard place.”

Another user agreed with that perspective but suggested he should still go ahead and pay for the party for the sake of his child.

“NTA. However, your daughter doesn’t deserve the fallout from this,” they said. “I would agree to pay for the party and let your ex-wife know, very clearly, that this will never happen again. If she tries it in the future, instead of giving her money, you’ll host the party yourself during your parenting time — and she’ll miss out on the experience.”

A third commenter felt that both parents were mishandling things by letting their conflict trickle down to the kids.

“[Everybody sucks here]. Divorce can be nasty, especially when a stay-at-home parent is involved. But your kids should never pay the price for that,” they wrote.

They pointed out that the children seem to be older — since the dad mentioned paying car insurance — and that there may only be a few years of child support left.

“You can nitpick and fight with your ex while your kids suffer the consequences and start to resent you,” they continued. “Or you can suck it up for a few years until they’re adults. Since you clearly aren’t struggling financially and this isn’t taking food off your table, just suck it up and pay it for your kids’ sake.”