Fiancé Considers Ending Engagement After Learning Bride-to-Be Sends More Than $800 a Month to Her Family

A man turned to Reddit for advice after a heart-to-heart with his fiancée left him questioning their financial future — and their relationship.

The 32-year-old explained that his 31-year-old fiancée is from the Philippines, describing her as hardworking, ambitious, and deeply devoted to her family. “She’s a corporate acquisition attorney who works four jobs and makes decent money for the Philippines,” he shared, noting that she has saved $30,000 and owns a fully paid $50,000 condo.

Her success, however, has come with sacrifices. “Her life is incredibly stressful,” he said, revealing that she gets only four to five hours of sleep a night and has been working seven days a week for years.

Much of her income goes toward helping her family. “My fiancée currently sends $400 a month to support her younger brother in school so he can become a nurse,” he wrote. Though the brother recently received a scholarship, she continues to send her father $400 a month.

Her father, he explained, retired at 50 and has relied on her financial support for the past decade. During a recent trip to the Philippines, the man discovered that she planned to use $15,000 of her savings to buy her father and brother an electric car. “I made her renegotiate it to $100 a month for the next eight years,” he said. “I caught it literally in time.”

He also shared that his fiancée intends to send money to her mother once she turns 60, though the amount hasn’t been decided. “She feels confident she’ll be able to support both parents once she gets an attorney job in the U.S.,” he wrote. “She thinks she’ll eventually make over $200,000 a year — I’m doubtful. Maybe $120,000 at best.”

Beyond helping her family, she donates about $40 a month to her church and has said she’d like to give more as her income grows. She’s also asked whether her mother could live with them someday — a request that made him uneasy.

“She justifies her generosity by giving me examples of her Filipino friends and family supporting multiple relatives in the U.S.,” he explained. “I’ve made it clear that I don’t want her family living with us. They can visit.”

The man said he already provides extensively for her. “She doesn’t need a cell phone plan, doesn’t pay rent, I have a gym in my HOA, and I cover groceries and going out,” he wrote. But he drew a line when it came to her parents. “I don’t think that generosity should extend to parents who are perfectly able to work.”

He worries that their differing values could affect their long-term security. “By the time we’re 60, she could have nothing saved for retirement because emergencies will inevitably come up with her parents,” he said, adding that the concern is greater since they plan to have children.

Though his fiancée promised she would stop supporting her parents in a true emergency, he admitted he doesn’t believe she could follow through. “I honestly don’t want kids anymore if her parents are going to be her first priority,” he confessed. “I feel so lost and confused because I deeply love her.”

For him, the issue isn’t the current $840 she sends out each month — it’s what it represents. “It’s not about control,” he said, “it’s about building a future together.”

On Reddit, users quickly weighed in, many acknowledging the cultural expectations involved. One commenter wrote, “Culturally, this is a thing in the Philippines. Nearly all Filipinos in the U.S. send money to parents and siblings back home. It’s not going to change. Either accept that she’s going to do this or end the engagement.”

Another added, “Your concern isn’t about control — it’s about sustainability. Supporting parents is noble, but it shouldn’t come at the expense of your shared financial security, retirement, or future children.”

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