Groom Considers Calling Off Wedding After Fiancée’s Family Hires Private Investigator to Uncover His ‘Dirt’

A man turned to Reddit for advice after a disagreement about wedding traditions spiraled into a family conflict — and, he says, a private investigation that left him feeling exposed and betrayed.

“I (Male) have been with my fiancée ‘Emily’ (Female) for about 1.5 years,” he wrote, explaining that he proposed after dating for 10 months even though some people warned the relationship was moving too fast. He said he moved forward in part because she wanted children, and he believed “this was the right thing to do.”

From early on, he said he tried to be upfront about his history. “I have a bit of a ‘past’ from years ago,” he wrote, adding that Emily knew everything and accepted it.

The bigger issue, he explained, was a cultural wedding tradition that mattered to her family but not to his. He said they discussed it before the engagement and agreed they wouldn’t include it. According to him, the topic didn’t resurface when he later asked her parents for permission to marry, and when both families met months later, everyone again agreed to skip the tradition.

He believed it was settled — until he learned Emily’s mother kept pushing the issue privately. He described her as “persistent by repeatedly asking her about practicing the wedding tradition after the meeting of the families.”

Weeks later, he said Emily briefly agreed to it while feeling emotional. “Because my fiancée was feeling sad, she inadvertently said yes,” he wrote, explaining that she later brought the request back to him.

Wanting to respect her feelings, he went back to his parents to see if there was any room to compromise. He said their answer didn’t change: “our family decided, it was still a no.”

Emily then called a family meeting with her side. “I have no idea what happened inside that room,” he wrote, but afterward she presented the tradition as a way to honor her parents. When she asked again — more firmly this time — he tried once more with his family, but said, “ultimately, our family was still against it.”

After the final refusal, he said Emily questioned whether his family truly cared about him. He disagreed with that framing, writing, “I don’t think doing the tradition meant they love me,” but said she eventually accepted the decision and told her parents.

Then, he claims, the situation escalated.

“Unbeknownst to me, her brother launched a private investigation against me to find my dirt,” he wrote. He said the investigation uncovered past drug use — something he insists Emily already knew. Still, he claimed her brother confronted her and planned to tell their mother, even if it jeopardized the relationship.

To get ahead of the situation, he said he contacted her siblings himself to explain. During that conversation, he claimed the brother suggested postponing the wedding, though his tone later softened after hearing him out.

But the impact didn’t stay within the family. “I’ve been told that my closest friends have been asked whether my dirt is true or not,” he wrote, describing the shame of feeling like his reputation was being tried in public.

Although he emphasized that he loved Emily, he said the incident shattered his trust. “She didn’t hold the line against her family when it mattered,” he wrote. He also worried about what marriage might look like if boundaries continued to be ignored, adding, “Her family seems dangerous to my future peace of mind.”

In the comments, many Redditors focused on the question of autonomy — and whether the couple, not their families, should control the wedding decisions. One commenter wrote, “Keeping it simple the type of ceremony held for the wedding should be up to you and your fiancé, not the parents.”

Another urged him to seriously reconsider moving forward: “If you think she doesn’t have your back or maybe won’t in the future then don’t get married,” they wrote.