Guest Deeply Offended They Weren’t Mailed Thank-You Card After Spending Thousands to Attend Destination Wedding 

A wedding guest is questioning their friendship with a newly married couple after feeling overlooked in the aftermath of an expensive destination wedding.

In an anonymous letter to Slate’s advice column “Dear Prudence,” the guest asked if they were “overreacting” for feeling “underappreciated” because they didn’t receive a traditional thank-you card in the mail — despite spending “several thousand dollars” on flights, lodging, wedding attire, and a gift.

“Initially, I was happy to do it. But now I’m not so sure,” the guest wrote.

At the small reception, the couple surprised attendees with heartfelt handwritten letters, a gesture the guest initially found touching. Later, though, they realized those notes were meant to replace formal mailed thank-you cards — and that’s where their frustration set in.

“Am I wrong to feel like attending a destination wedding and giving an expensive gift should also warrant a thank-you card in the mail?” the guest asked. “I know some people might find it old-fashioned, but I’m a millennial and I still feel like a proper thank you after a wedding, especially an expensive destination one, is important!”

Prudence — written in this case by Jenée Desmond-Harris — pushed back on the complaint, saying the guest was overlooking a meaningful act of gratitude. She noted it was strange to act as though the couple hadn’t thanked anyone when each person received a personalized letter, and suggested the irritation might be about something deeper.

“Do you want them to get a ticket from the etiquette police? Do you want to feel superior?” Desmond-Harris wrote. “Are you looking for an excuse to pull back from the friendship? Are you just fed up with the massive expense that comes with the phase of life when you attend a lot of weddings, and applying that feeling (which is legitimate!) to this one little thing?”

Lizzie O’Leary, host of Slate’s What Next: TBD podcast, echoed that view. She argued the guest was being overly rigid about etiquette and should let it go, adding that thank-you cards are increasingly treated as a kindness rather than a requirement.

“Redirect your energies elsewhere!” she advised.