High Schooler Invited to Spend Thanksgiving with ‘Short-Term’ Girlfriend of 11 Months, but His Family ‘Flipped’

Navigating family time around the holidays can be complicated — especially when you’re caught between your parents’ expectations and a new relationship.

One Reddit user explained that he’s been dating his girlfriend for 11 months. While he doesn’t feel the relationship is “super serious necessarily on her part,” he’s in love with her and hopes she might be “the one.” Her mom quietly invited him to Thanksgiving, choosing not to tell her daughter so he wouldn’t feel pressured to attend.

He added that, because he attends boarding school and summer camps, he hasn’t seen his parents much since June. Still, he admitted he really doesn’t enjoy Thanksgiving at home.

“I know that’s stupid and ungrateful but by God it feels somewhere between a white tie wedding I wasn’t invited to and a cattle auction,” he wrote. “I could put all my relatives in a group chat and screenshot my grades and we’d get the same or better result.”

He also noted that some of his parents’ friends have tried to set him up with their kids before. Given that he’s already in a committed relationship, he expects the situation to be more uncomfortable than it needs to be.

When he asked his parents if he could spend Thanksgiving with his girlfriend’s family instead, “they flipped.”

“They’re saying I’m ungrateful, that they’ve barely seen me these last years, and that I’m going to take away one of their last parenting experiences while I’m still a ‘kid,’” he explained. He acknowledged there’s “kinda” some truth to that — he’s still in high school — but pointed out that he could always come home next year. In his view, Thanksgiving at their house is “literally just a fancy dinner party,” and they can still have that kind of gathering at Christmas. “It’s not like they’re going to stop telling me what to do,” he joked.

According to him, his parents also told him they won’t “stop me from making my choices,” a phrase he says they tend to use when he’s doing something that “annoys them.”

They sent him money specifically for the trip home, but he’s tempted to use it to visit his girlfriend’s family instead, or to pay for the trip with his own savings. Unsure what to do, he asked Reddit for guidance.

Commenters were divided. Some felt he should be free to choose where to spend the holiday, but drew a firm line around the money his parents provided.

“Spend the money you have, not the money your parents gave you,” one person wrote. “Use that money to go home for Christmas, if that is where you are choosing to do. If the other money is yours and not from them then use it how you choose. If it was given to you with some conditions attached, I would advise you to be cautious on how you spend it if they are the type to not give you money in the future. At some point they need to let go of you having to be there. Most serious couples take turns on whose side they spend their holidays with, unless one side is really far away and the other is closer.”

Another commenter agreed that he shouldn’t repurpose the funds for a different trip: “They put money aside specifically for you to get home for Thanksgiving. If you don’t use it for that purpose, send it back to them and find another way to finance getting to Mae’s instead. Fine for you to feel it’s time to start alternating, but you don’t get to use their money to do it.”