Husband Says Wife Has an ‘Extremely Strict’ Parenting Style. Now, He Feels ‘Hopeless’ and Wants to Bring ‘Joy’ Back to His Home

A father of 9-year-old twins has turned to the parenting subreddit for guidance on managing what he describes as his wife’s overly strict approach to raising their children.

In his post, the dad explained that he and his wife are both “deeply involved” in parenting but that their home has recently become “incredibly difficult,” leaving him feeling “hopeless.”

“My wife is extremely strict. Almost every interaction she has with our children is a command or a correction,” he wrote. “It’s never just fun or relaxed. It’s always about what they should be doing — chores, schoolwork, organizing something, or correcting behavior.”

He added that she rarely connects with the kids on a personal level, and that he often finds himself on the receiving end of her sternness, too. “It feels like our entire home is about compliance and performance,” he said.

The dad described their twins — a boy and a girl — as “good kids” who are active in sports, academic support groups, and homework sessions nearly every day of the week. Despite their packed schedules, he said, their mother still requires them to complete a heavy load of chores with little appreciation for their efforts.

“But despite everything on their plates, there’s little recognition — just more demands,” he shared. One evening, when his wife scolded their daughter for not putting away clothes and for playing with her brother, the girl broke down crying. “She told me she hates her mom and thinks her mom doesn’t love her. It absolutely shattered me,” he wrote.

When he confronted his wife, he asked, “Was it really worth it to traumatize her just to get her to put away clothes?”

The father explained that his wife grew up in a “strict, religious household” where yelling and physical punishment were common and emotional warmth was rare. Though she doesn’t agree with that kind of upbringing, he said, “she’s doing the same thing to our kids.”

According to him, attempts to discuss the issue are met with defensiveness and denial. “There is so little joy in our home now,” he said. “Everything is task-oriented. It feels like there’s no room for the kids to be kids. And I’m just sad. I’m heartbroken watching what this is doing to our children and our marriage.”

He ended his post by asking the Reddit community for advice on how to “bring some joy and balance back into our home.”

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Community Reactions and Advice

Many commenters empathized with the father and offered constructive suggestions. One urged him to establish boundaries with his wife about how she treats their children — even if she resists.

“You can’t let her being defensive stop you from setting boundaries and rules of your own,” the commenter wrote. “The children need to see you not condoning this behavior and protecting them from verbal abuse. She should be held accountable and apologize and show effort to do better every single time.”

They added that if she refuses to work through her past or seek therapy, his responsibility is to ensure a “safe and welcoming home” for the children.

Another user advised taking action in the moment, not afterward. “Next time, step in when your partner starts screaming — or ideally, even earlier,” they wrote. “Screaming and yelling are signs someone has lost control and needs help. Step in, ask your wife to take a break, pick up the slack with the kids, and let her rest. Then talk. But defend the kids when it’s happening, instead of comforting them after.”

They shared that this “tag-team” approach worked for them and their spouse: “If one of us started to lose it, the other would step in and give the one having a hard time a break.”