A man planning a Christmas-morning proposal believes the engagement itself should count as his girlfriend’s present — and nothing more — sparking a heated debate online.
According to a Reddit post on the “Am I the A——” forum, the man’s longtime friend explained that he’s planning to propose to his “very family-focused” girlfriend of four years on Christmas Day, in front of her entire family while they open gifts together.
While sharing the plan, the soon-to-be fiancé casually mentioned that the proposal would also “save him some time” on Christmas shopping.
He then revealed he hadn’t bought — or planned to buy — any other Christmas gift for his girlfriend because, in his view, the engagement ring is the gift.
The friend pushed back, saying a proposal and a Christmas present “are not mutually exclusive.” The man argued that the ring already costs more than “several usual Christmas and birthday presents combined.” Still, the friend noted that money isn’t really the issue, as the man is financially comfortable enough to afford “a couple of gifts” on top of the ring.
The friend also emphasized that while the girlfriend “is in no way materialistic,” she would still genuinely “appreciate” a gift or two from her partner — especially on Christmas.
They added another practical point: if he’s trying to keep the proposal a surprise, having no wrapped presents for her under the tree will probably tip her off that something unusual is going on.
Despite these arguments, the man dug in, insisting, “Getting engaged is definitely a gift.”
After the two went “back and forth for a while,” the man ultimately told his friend he wouldn’t be sharing any more details about the proposal because of their clashing opinions.
When the friend turned to Reddit to ask if they were being “a stubborn old fool,” most commenters backed them up. Many argued that a proposal shouldn’t be treated like a one-sided present, but rather “a mutual celebration of love.”
One top comment summed it up by saying that treating the proposal as a gift “from him to her,” instead of a step they’re taking together, felt “a bit distasteful.”
Another commenter agreed, writing that the man’s mindset “comes across like getting married is just for her benefit and he’s doing her some sort of big favor by offering to marry her.”
