A man turned to Reddit for advice after a painful family conflict made him miss his sister’s wedding. He explained that his absence wasn’t because he didn’t care, but because his sister asked him to remove his engagement ring for the ceremony.
“I was in an abusive relationship for about two years. It started when I was 17,” he wrote, explaining how that experience still affects his relationship with his family. He admitted, “I hold a lot of resentment towards them for not pushing harder to help me. I’m working through it in therapy.”
Now, at 25, his life looks very different. He has found love and safety with his partner of four years, who he describes as both a fiancé and a best friend. “This is someone I trust more deeply than I’ve ever trusted anyone,” he wrote. “I feel truly safe with him in a way I haven’t felt since I was a kid.”
The couple got engaged just over a month ago, but they didn’t make a big family announcement. Still, they RSVP’d to attend his sister’s wedding, hoping to stay connected. He explained, “I knew saying no to attending the wedding would likely be the end of my relationship with my sister, and I didn’t want that.”
Even though he has low contact with his family, he was trying to move forward carefully. “I’m still just working through how to have successful relationships with them while I’m still carrying this hurt,” he said. So when he and his partner arrived at the pre-wedding dinner, he didn’t expect any problems.
It was at that dinner that his engagement quietly came out. “When my mom saw my ring, we shared a genuinely heartfelt moment where she was crying a little and telling me how happy she was for me / us,” he recalled. That acknowledgment from his mother felt like a breakthrough.
He even felt a sense of healing in that moment, writing, “It felt like a step in the right direction in terms of reconnection. She finally made some acknowledgment to the fact that I could have genuinely died from the situation I was in.”
But the evening’s warmth didn’t last. His sister pulled him aside. “After dinner, my sister asked me if I could take off my engagement ring for the next day,” he shared. Surprised, he asked why.
Her explanation shocked him. “She said it was embarrassing that her brother had ‘stolen her spotlight’ at dinner and she didn’t want the same thing happening at the wedding.” The request felt very unfair since he hadn’t made any announcements or planned to.
“I was pretty taken aback by this. I said no, I wasn’t comfortable doing that,” he wrote. The siblings argued but couldn’t find common ground.
In the end, he chose to step away instead of continuing the fight. “We went back and forth for a little while until I just bowed out, saying I wished them well,” he explained. His choice meant missing the wedding entirely.
The fallout was quick. “Today, my sister sent me a long text saying I had ‘ruined her wedding’ because I upset our mom,” he shared. What had felt like a moment of progress with his mother was now being seen as a problem.
Reddit commenters have mostly supported him, saying he wasn’t in the wrong. One person commented, “It’s not like you announced your engagement at dinner or intended to at the wedding… There was no reason for you to have to take your ring off, most people probably wouldn’t even notice it in the first place.”
