Man ‘Upset’ That His Girlfriend Keeps Sleeping Through Their Plans: ‘How Do We Deal with This Problem?’

A man says his girlfriend often falls asleep during their planned online hangouts, and he’s asking for advice on how to handle it.

The 34-year-old shared his story on the Reddit forum “Am I the A——?” where people ask for advice on personal problems. He explained that he and his 28-year-old girlfriend are in a long-distance relationship and like to set aside time to watch movies and TV together online.

However, he said that on a few occasions, his girlfriend has fallen asleep during these scheduled times.

“This happened again yesterday, and this morning, she just texted me about her morning without even acknowledging that she left me hanging,” he wrote. She later said she thought they would “talk about it later.”

The man said his girlfriend still hasn’t apologized and he expects she’ll get defensive if he brings it up again. The last time he mentioned it, she said his reaction made her feel like she “needs to be at my beck and call at all hours of the day.”

He clarified that it’s not the falling asleep that bothers him, but the lack of acknowledgment.

“I’m not at all upset about her falling asleep; things happen. I’m upset that there wasn’t even a slight attempt to show acknowledgment that I waited all night for a phone call we had planned in advance,” he explained.

He ended his post asking, “AITAH [am I the a——]? And how do we deal with this problem communication-wise?”

Many commenters told him his feelings were valid.

“NTA [not the a——],” one person wrote. “Long distance is hard, and communication is even more essential in long-distance [relationships] than it is in real life relationships. The fact that she isn’t at least texting you before she lies down to say, ‘I’m feeling tired tonight, can we postpone plans?’ is disrespectful, and the fact that she isn’t apologizing is even more so.”

Others suggested understanding her side first.

“I suggest you talk to her and see her side first,” one commenter said. “Does she have a demanding job or school? Does her day start early? Maybe she was exhausted and couldn’t help falling asleep. Maybe you two need to adjust your plans. [Long-distance relationships] are already difficult. Don’t make it worse.”

Another person emphasized communication and realistic expectations.

“They said, ‘Communication is everything in a relationship. Seems like this movie/TV time may be more important to you than her. Try to avoid setting yourself up to get let down while waiting for an apology that she doesn’t even realize you expect.’

They added, ‘I am married to a man who gets sleepy 15-30 minutes into a movie. Every single time. He will say he tried to stay awake but gets sleepy. He gets up for work at 4 a.m., so I expect this.’”