Mom Asks If She’s Being ‘Selfish’ for Not Wanting Her In-Laws at Her Son’s School for Grandparents’ Day

A mom is wondering if she is being “selfish” because she isn’t sure whether to tell her in-laws about her son’s Grandparents’ Day at school.

On the parenting subreddit, the original poster (OP) explained that her 4-year-old son doesn’t have a “close relationship” with her husband’s parents. She said, “He cries and gets so worked up if we tell him he’s going over there or they might come over to watch him.” OP mentioned that her husband’s parents live closer than her own parents, who she says are “super super close” to her son.

“They live 20 minutes from us,” she wrote. “We’ve lived here 2 years, and I can count how many times they’ve asked to see him basically.”

She added, “My parents live over an hour away. He is super super close with my parents.”

OP said she feels conflicted about whether to tell her in-laws about Grandparents’ Day. She explained that while her parents “would do everything they could to come,” they might not be able to make the hour-long event.

“I don’t even want to mention it to my in-laws because I don’t want them there,” she wrote. “But I know if I only tell my parents my son would obviously say something and then hell would break loose. I also never would put my kid in a position where I would tell him not to say anything.”

“Do I just leave it and not say a thing to either side?” she asked. She also noted that her “only downfall is if everyone else has grandparents come I don’t want my son to feel sad.”

Many people in the comments suggested that she tell both sets of grandparents about the event.

“I’d mention it to both sets of grandparents,” one commenter wrote. “Remove your feelings from it and just see it as an opportunity for your son to be loved by more people.”

“I wouldn’t mention to him who you tell, so he also doesn’t feel disappointed by who doesn’t show,” the user continued. “If you’re upset they don’t take opportunities to see him but don’t share with them when there’s opportunities, your son is the only one who loses.”

Another commenter agreed, encouraging OP to “let your son have his own experience.”

“Invite both sets,” the user wrote. “The more the merrier. Try to take your own feelings out of it and let your son have his own experience.”

Another user suggested OP let her 4-year-old son decide who he wanted to invite to Grandparents’ Day, saying that he’s “old enough to decide.”

“A 4yo is old enough to decide who to invite. I would simply ask your child—Who do you want to invite for Grandparents’ Day? Then dial the number and hand him the phone. That way you’re not asking him to hide anything.”