Mom Concerned That Toddler Has Constant Daily ‘Meltdowns’. Now She Feels Lost When Daughter Refuses to Listen

A mother is looking for answers as she navigates her daughter’s frequent outbursts.

In a post on a parenting subreddit, the mom said her toddler has been having “meltdowns about every little thing,” a daily pattern that has worn down both her and her partner.

“She can communicate pretty well now, but when she gets in these moods it’s like she forgets how to talk and it’s nearly impossible to resolve or deescalate the situation, also her ears stop working so she won’t listen either,” the original poster (OP) wrote. “Each tantrum can last 10-30+ minutes multiple times a day.”

The mom listed a long set of common triggers, including brushing hair, using the toilet, eating, sleeping, brushing teeth, leaving one place or going to another, putting on shoes, taking a bath, going to school, or even being served the “wrong” food.

More recently, she said her daughter had a major outburst after being told she couldn’t open every slot of an advent calendar at once.

The mom also described ongoing issues with listening and attention. “I know she can hear us because if we say something she’s interested in, she’ll immediately respond,” she wrote, adding that calling her daughter’s name often doesn’t work unless they get very close to her.

She said they even pulled their child out of gymnastics and dance, because the toddler was “a complete disruption to the entire class the whole time,” despite hoping the structure would help.

“We’ve asked multiple doctors and they say it’s normal, but they don’t see it in action,” the mom continued. She added that her daughter seems “way more intense and energetic than the other kids” in many settings, and said some family and friends didn’t fully grasp the level of disruption until witnessing it firsthand.

In the comments, many parents said tantrums can be a typical part of toddler development and encouraged the mom to focus on connection and long-term skills.

“My advice is lean into her as much as possible,” one commenter suggested. “Yes, they can be extremely frustrating but you create a future adult human in the world. Their next phase is school. Think about the skills you want them to have for navigating school and the proximity and comfort you want them to have with you for this big change in their lives.”

Another commenter shared a different approach, saying they give their children space to calm down before talking it through afterward: “Kids are gonna have tantrums regardless bc they don’t know how to regulate their emotions yet. What I do is I put my kids in their room and let them work it by themselves and when they’re down they come out, we talk about it and why they had the tantrum and then they apologize and that’s that.”

Others, however, felt the frequency and the “shutting down” behavior described might be worth another medical check-in, just to be safe.

“It is developmentally appropriate to have tantrums, it is not however developmentally appropriate for her ears to turn off,” one user wrote. “That sounds like a shutdown response more than anything else, and to me reads as some form of neurodivergence.”

A few parents also shared experiences of raising children later diagnosed with autism or ADHD, noting that transitions can be especially difficult. One commenter recommended giving advance warnings and clear timeframes — for example, “We’re gonna brush teeth in ten minutes!” — to help a child adjust.