Mom Faces Dilemma When College-Aged Daughter Requests Her Room Back from Her Younger Sister After Dropping Out

A mother is wrestling with a tricky dilemma between her two teenage daughters over who gets the “real” bedroom in their apartment.

In a post on a parenting subreddit, the original poster (OP) explained that she has two daughters — one in college and one in high school. The family lives in a two-bedroom apartment with a den that’s been converted into a room using barn doors. While the den is a decent size, it doesn’t have a closet, full privacy or a standard bedroom door.

“Initially high school daughter had the den. She hated it, felt embarrassed to have friends over, etc.,” OP wrote. “College daughter (who was in high school at the time of move in) got the ‘official’ bedroom, and we promised that high school daughter could have it once college daughter went to school this fall.”

Once the older daughter left for college, OP followed through on that promise.

“Once we sent the college kid off to school, we switched everything, I made both rooms look nice and comfortable with both of their aesthetics,” she said. “College kid was aware this was happening. We did not hide it from her.”

After some time away, however, the older daughter decided she hated her school and dorm life, and chose to move back home and attend community college instead. When she returned, she asked to have her old bedroom back — even though her younger sister had finally settled into it and was happy there.

OP laid out both daughters’ arguments. The older, college-aged daughter believes she deserves the main bedroom because she now lives at home full-time, while her younger sister spends about 60 percent of her time at their dad’s place. The high schooler, on the other hand, points out that it was her sister’s decision to leave and then come back — and that she doesn’t want to give up a space she waited years to get and now loves.

“I see both sides and don’t know what to do. We are not in the financial position to get a 3 bedroom at the moment,” OP wrote. “Both girls deserve an actual bedroom, but someone is unfortunately going to have to get the short end of the stick.”

Many commenters responded that OP should honor the original promise to her younger daughter and let her keep the room.

“You made a promise to younger daughter, and she has counted on that promise for years. She didn’t change her mind. You didn’t change your mind,” one person wrote. “Keep your promise to your younger daughter.”

Another commenter argued that the older daughter’s position doesn’t hold much weight because she has more options than her younger sister.

“College kid’s argument is moot. She had her own room all through high school, now it’s younger’s turn,” they wrote. “She’s an adult and has the option to move out if she doesn’t like it, younger doesn’t.”

They added that it wouldn’t be fair for the older sister to keep the better room indefinitely.

“It’s not fair for her to have the larger room throughout high school and college while the younger gets the shaft forever just because she has no choice but to split time with dad (not saying it’s a bad thing, just in reference to the 40% occupancy. It’s still her room).”