A mom is angry after discovering that her mother-in-law told her 11-year-old daughter that attending college isn’t a “realistic” goal.
She shared the situation on Mumsnet, explaining that her daughter came home “upset” after spending a weekend with her grandparents.
According to her daughter, she told her grandmother that she hoped to become an occupational therapist in the future. Instead of encouraging her, the grandmother responded by saying the child didn’t have the academic “ability” for such a career and should choose something “more realistic.”
The mother admitted that her daughter hasn’t scored well on recent national exams but added that “huge health issues” had disrupted her primary education. Now, she said, her daughter is attending school more consistently and is enrolled in a supportive academic environment designed for students who thrive in smaller settings.
The OP confronted her mother-in-law, who doubled down and claimed the mom was “misleading” the child by not redirecting her toward a more attainable path.
:max_bytes(150000):strip_icc():focal(999x0:1001x2):format(webp)/daughter-in-school-110625-1-7bf6586bdc584aa787e2053faa900cf2.jpg)
The OP strongly disagreed. “She’s 11. She’s a tough cookie, and in my opinion extremely smart!” she wrote.
Most commenters agreed that the mother-in-law had stepped far out of line.
“That is outrageous,” one user wrote. “My daughter wouldn’t be going back there again if it were me.”
Another commenter added, “Unless your mother-in-law is a university admissions tutor, she knows absolutely nothing about the matter. I’d be reducing contact. Maybe every other Christmas and major events.”
Others described the grandmother’s comments as unnecessarily harsh toward a child, with one comment saying, “That is so mean. Imagine writing off an 11-year-old like that — to her face! I wouldn’t let my daughter stay there unsupervised again.”
:max_bytes(150000):strip_icc():focal(999x0:1001x2):format(webp)/grandma-daughter-talking-110625-e52d54f585a94654a715ed6a485b6613.jpg)
However, one commenter played devil’s advocate, asking the OP to consider whether any of the grandmother’s concerns might reflect real academic challenges. They asked whether the child’s health issues had significantly impacted her attendance and whether the school was helping her fill any learning gaps.
They concluded by suggesting that if the girl is serious about becoming an occupational therapist, developing a plan now might help ensure she has the support she needs to pursue that goal.
