Mom Tells Her Son It’s Okay If ‘You Suck’ at Playing Violin. Now, Her Husband Thinks She’s Being Too Harsh with Her Words

After reassuring her teenage son that it’s fine if he isn’t great at playing the violin, one mom has found herself in a disagreement with her husband over her choice of words.

The story, shared on Reddit’s AITA forum, comes from a mother whose 17-year-old son recently began learning the violin in his school’s music class. Initially, students were given instruments by the school, but they had to return them the following year for new beginners. Those wishing to continue needed their own instrument.

To help, the mom borrowed a secondhand violin from a family friend for her son. However, when that friend’s granddaughter needed the instrument back, the mom had to decide whether to purchase a violin for him. Before committing, she asked her son how he felt.

Her son responded that she shouldn’t spend the money because he was “not good at it.” When she pressed him further, he admitted that he enjoys playing but feels he’ll never be great at it.

“I told him, ‘Honey, it’s okay if you suck, as long as you enjoy it. Why not keep doing it?’” she recalled. But her son seemed hurt by her phrasing, particularly because he hadn’t used the word “suck” himself.

The mother said she simply meant to reassure him — that she and her husband had no expectations for him to pursue music seriously, and that his skill level didn’t matter as long as he enjoyed playing. To her, buying the violin wouldn’t be a waste if it brought him happiness.

Later, however, her husband criticized her for being “way harsh,” saying her words might have come off more negative than she intended. The mom, unsure if she’d truly done something wrong, asked Reddit for judgment.

Many commenters agreed that while her intention was good, her phrasing could have been softer.

“Very mild YTA,” one user wrote, meaning “You’re the A——.” “Your heart was in the right place, but hearing you say that probably stung. Maybe say, ‘Even if you don’t think you’re good,’ instead of calling him bad at it.”

Another commenter noted, “How you deliver a message can matter as much as what you mean. Maybe talk again and remind him the point is to enjoy himself, not compare to others.”

Others were more critical. “YTA and you should probably just get him the violin,” one person said. “There’s a difference between not being the best and ‘sucking.’ He doesn’t need to hear that. Encourage him to keep improving — even the best players never stopped practicing.”

A third commenter suggested the mom focus on positivity in future conversations: “You’re not an a——, but next time try to use more encouraging language. Whether it’s violin or something else, learning is always worthwhile, and improvement comes with effort.”