Mom Wonders If She Should Let Her Teen Daughter Drive Before Her Older Son — Worries It Could ‘Crush’ His Self-Esteem

A woman is wondering if she should let her 15-year-old daughter learn to drive before her unmotivated 16-year-old son.

She shared her story on the popular Reddit forum, “Am I the A——?”, a place where users ask for advice on personal problems. In her post, she explained that her son is very unmotivated in many areas of life.

“[He] nearly failed freshman year of high school, shows little inclination to do anything else other than play video games, […] has been kicked out of various extracurricular activities for his poor attitude and unwillingness to participate (even though he signed up for [them]),” she wrote, adding that he “doesn’t seem to show any accountability for his actions.”

She also mentioned that her son is currently in therapy to help him work through his issues.

In contrast, she said her daughter “is pretty much firing on all cylinders.”

“Academics are 90+. Fantastic attitude. Involved in extracurriculars. Very well-rounded. Makes mature decisions (for a 15-year-old). This is one I can rely on if something has to be done,” she added.

The original poster (OP) said she is now facing a parental dilemma: her daughter will soon be old enough to get her learner’s permit, which means she would get her driver’s license before her older brother.

While the OP says her son has not shown any particular “inclination” or interest toward driving, she worries about “the possible mental damage” the situation could cause him.

“Maybe times are different, but I can imagine this would absolutely crush his own feelings of self-worth and create animosity between the siblings,” she said, adding, “But I [also] don’t think it is reasonable to just hand him this privilege that requires some amount of accountability and maturity otherwise.”

She asked, “I guess the question [is]: [Am I the a——] if I let my ‘mature’ daughter drive before my immature son […]?”

Most commenters agreed that the woman should not feel guilty about letting her daughter get her permit if she is interested in driving, while her older brother is not.

“Okay, first of all, the older one can’t be handed anything in this scenario. He’s the one controlling whether or not he can drive by showing absolutely no interest in learning,” one commenter said.

They added, “But most importantly, do not hold one child back because the [other] sibling shows little motivation to get his driver’s license. That’s a fast track to resentment. Preventing the younger [child] from learning will create animosity for her older sibling.”

“Bottom line? YWBTA [you would be the a——] if you prevented the younger sibling from learning to drive to ‘protect’ the feelings of the older sibling,” the commenter continued.

“If he isn’t doing what he needs to do to get a permit, then the decision is out of your hands anyway. You can’t take the tests for him. NTA [not the a——],” another person added.