A woman says her fiancé is pressuring her so much to take his last name that he’s even brought his mother into the discussion.
The 27-year-old, who shared her story anonymously on Reddit, explained that she and her fiancé were talking on the phone about whether she should change her last name after marriage when he pulled his mom into the conversation.
“We had already talked about this weeks ago, and emotions ran high back then. I was hesitant to bring it up again, especially with his mom involved,” she wrote. “He kept pressing me on it, and I guess I didn’t respond the way he wanted, because she ended up getting upset.”
According to the post, her fiancé told her — as he had in their earlier discussion — that he would not marry her if she didn’t agree to take his last name. At first, his mother tried to explain that changing a name was a way of “honoring” and “respecting” a husband, though she said she would ultimately respect the woman’s decision. But when the bride-to-be pushed back and called the tradition outdated, her future mother-in-law’s tone shifted.
“She started raising her voice over the phone,” the woman recalled.
“I feel guilty but also hurt by both of their actions,” she admitted. “In the end, I told myself it wasn’t worth upsetting him, because I love him so much. But now I can’t sleep at night. I feel like I’m betraying myself by agreeing to change my name.”
Seeking clarity, she turned to the online community for perspective: “Am I missing something? Can someone explain why not changing my name would be seen as disrespectful?”
Many commenters on Reddit were quick to point out that the issue goes far beyond a surname.
One user wrote: “Girl, forget the name. The real problem is that this guy deals with disagreements by threatening consequences. That’s not a partner — that’s a warden.”
Another added: “You need to stand up for yourself. This is only the beginning of your fiancé and his mother teaming up against you.”
