Mother Says It’s ‘Unreasonable’ for Her Adult Son to Let Himself into Her Home Without Planning a Visit

A mother is considering changing the locks on her home because of her son’s unannounced visits.

On Sunday, Aug. 31, she shared a post on the UK-based forum Mumsnet asking if other parents allow their adult children to drop by without warning. She explained that her son lives in the same town and regularly comes over without telling her first.

“He popped in tonight and just used his key to let himself in, and I was sitting in my nighty, slightly uncomfortable,” the mom wrote.

“I love to see him, but is it unreasonable to ask him to let me know he’s coming, or do families just expect to walk in and find you as you are?” she asked.

Many people replied with their own experiences. Some said their adult children often stop by without notice and they don’t mind.

“My adult DC /SDC [dear children/ step dear children] and their partners often just pop in (usually around dinner time 😀). Our front door is generally unlocked if we are home, so they just let themselves in. I love it,” one user said.

Others, however, encouraged the mother to set boundaries.

“YANBU [you are not being unreasonable], but it’s probably habitual. It’s hard when your parents have always been ‘just mom and dad’ to realize they are adults with a right to privacy. You may just need to lay it out,” another person wrote. “You’re happy for him to come round (if you are), but a quick text or phone call beforehand would be really appreciated!”

Another commenter said, “I always check because I now live an hour away and it would be a wasted trip if she wasn’t home. But when I lived down the road, I’d just pop by whenever. Moms always left a key in a pot outside for us kids.”

Some noted they would never visit their parents — or let their parents visit them — without checking first.

“DH [dear husband] and I wouldn’t dream of doing that to our parents. We always ring before to check they’re around, and we ring the doorbell even though we have keys,” one user said. “We’d expect the same back! Everyone is different, though, and if you aren’t comfortable, just ask for a heads up next time!”

Another added, “I would always expect someone to message before coming over — it’s just polite. I would never pop in anywhere without asking beforehand. I would also never leave my door unlocked.”