A mother turned to Reddit for advice after a disagreement over her son’s upcoming wedding sparked tension within her family — and raised questions about financial boundaries.
The 62-year-old woman explained that she and her husband, 61, are in a comfortable financial position thanks to years of hard work and successful careers. Both of their children were supported through college and graduate school, and each is now financially independent.
Their daughter, 34, married two years earlier in a modest ceremony. “She had a court wedding followed by dinner at a restaurant with fewer than 25 people,” the mother wrote, noting that her daughter and son-in-law covered all costs themselves and declined any help.
As a gift, the parents contributed $25,000 toward the couple’s first home. They intended to do something similar for their son, 30, who is completing his medical residency while his fiancée works for an insurance company. “We were considering paying for their honeymoon as a gift,” she said.
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Lavish Wedding Plans Raise Concerns
Those plans changed after the parents learned about the couple’s wedding vision. According to the mother, her future daughter-in-law wanted a grand affair: “a castle-like hotel venue with 250 guests” and an estimated budget of $80,000 — not including the honeymoon.
The fiancée had already chosen a designer Vera Wang dress, but her family couldn’t afford to contribute financially and she was still paying off student loans. During a visit, the mother noticed that her son “was mostly silent while his fiancée did all the talking.”
When the parents offered to cover the honeymoon as their gift, the son expressed gratitude. However, the mother noticed that his fiancée “pursed her lips and didn’t say anything.”
An Awkward Kitchen Conversation
The next morning, the future daughter-in-law brought up the topic again in private. “She asked what I thought about her wedding ideas,” the mom recalled. “I said they were nice but might not be affordable.”
That’s when the discussion turned uncomfortable. “She said it would be affordable if my husband and I helped,” the mother wrote. When asked what she meant, the fiancée suggested the parents “certainly have the money to pay for everything — the full $80K — and then the honeymoon too.”
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She even argued that since the parents hadn’t paid for their daughter’s small wedding, they could “put that money toward their son’s instead.”
The mom stayed composed but was taken aback. “I said I’d talk to my husband,” she recalled. “She looked visibly annoyed and said, ‘You don’t look like someone who needs her husband’s permission to access money.’”
The mother left the room without replying.
Parents Discuss a Prenup
Later, the couple discussed the encounter privately. “This whole conversation set off alarm bells,” the mom admitted. When they asked their son about it, he confirmed that his fiancée had urged him to ask his parents for money — but he refused.
Her husband then asked their son whether he planned to get a prenuptial agreement. The son said no, prompting further concern. “Considering she went over his head to ask for money, I said he’d be foolish not to get one,” the mom wrote.
Their son disagreed, arguing that they were judging his fiancée too harshly for one mistake. He also accused them of “ruining the engagement” by making her look like a “gold digger.”
Final Offer and Fallout
Despite the tension, the parents stood by their decision. “We told him if he gets a prenup, we’ll contribute $25,000 toward the wedding,” the mom explained. “We also withdrew our honeymoon offer.”
Her son was furious. “He said we’re being a——-,” she admitted. “I told him I’m fine being one if it means protecting my son from his own stupidity.”
Responses online were divided, but many supported the parents. One commenter advised, “If you’re worried about protecting family money, put it in a trust.” Another added, “No one gets to spend your money for you. Keep things fair — pay for the honeymoon or write the same $25K check you gave your daughter.”
