A woman is seeking advice on how to decline a co-worker’s bachelorette party invitation without causing offense — or revealing her pregnancy earlier than planned.
She shared the situation on the community forum Mumsnet, explaining that she was added to a group chat for a bachelorette weekend in Marbella, Spain. The deposit is due within days, and the group has already sent what she describes as “passive-aggressive messages” urging anyone who can’t attend to speak up quickly, or risk increasing the cost for everyone else.
The poster noted that the bride is a colleague rather than a close friend, and her due date falls exactly during the planned weekend — making the trip impossible. While she knows pregnancy is a completely fair reason to decline, she is unsure how to explain it to the chat without disclosing something she wants to keep private.
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She wrote that having the bride learn about the pregnancy now would create “stress at work,” and she hoped to keep the news quiet until she is further along.
Unsure what to say, she asked other Mumsnet users whether she should invent a different excuse — even if that risks the bride feeling snubbed — or tell “a group of slightly aggy strangers before I even tell family,” which she said “feels wrong!”
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Commenters Say She’s Overthinking It
Many respondents reassured her that declining doesn’t require a detailed explanation.
One suggested a brief note:
“Really sorry I can’t make it. Hope you all have a wonderful time. Leave group chat.”
Another user questioned why she felt responsible for managing others’ reactions:
“Just say you can’t go. Your decision, and your life.”
Others recommended keeping a decline vague and polite:
“Hi, thanks so much for the invite, but I won’t be able to join you due to a prior commitment that weekend. Hope you all have a lovely time — looking forward to seeing the pics!”
They advised offering no apology, no details, and no negotiation. And if anyone pushes for specifics, commenters recommended a firm but simple response:
“It’s a private family thing.”
One reader added that, if needed, she could later explain the truth privately:
“You can always mention down the line that you weren’t ready to share the pregnancy news yet.”
