A pregnant woman is wondering if she’s in the wrong for wanting to reserve some family heirlooms for her biological children.
The original poster (OP) shared her story on Reddit’s AITA forum, explaining that she is expecting her first child with her husband. She is also a stepmom to her husband’s two daughters, ages 11 and 13.
OP recalls recently flipping through a photo book with her stepdaughters and coming across pictures from her wedding. One of her stepdaughters asked if she still had her dress, and OP confirmed that she did.
“She asked if she could have it for her wedding and I didn’t get a chance to answer as she started going on about how she was going to look like me on her wedding day,” OP explains.
Her stepdaughter then inquired about OP’s rings, which had belonged to her grandmother.
“She asked if when she was older [she] could have them for her wedding,” OP says. “I had softly explained that I would rather my bio daughter get first dibs of stuff and that their mom probably has family heirlooms.”
OP notes that her comment upset her stepkids. When they returned to their mom’s house, they likely mentioned the conversation, and their mom became upset. She called OP and her husband, questioning why a new baby should take priority over her daughters. OP reiterated what she had told her stepkids and asked if the mom had anything to pass down herself.
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“She said she doesn’t as she didn’t have a wedding and her family didn’t save stuff like that,” OP explains. “I told her that I could no longer help her with that. My bio kids would still get dibs.”
She adds that everyone is currently upset with her except her husband. OP is now asking if she is wrong for wanting her own children to have priority on items like these over her stepchildren.
In the comments, many people told OP she was wrong for making her stepkids feel like they weren’t part of her family.
“[YTA] for telling these girls this at their ages,” one person wrote. “NTA for wanting [a] bio child to have your jewelry some day.”
“You need to make this right if you don’t want them to resent your baby before she is born and after,” the commenter continued. “If you have any other hand-me-down jewelry, consider having it repurposed into something for each of them.”
Another commenter emphasized the need for some “damage control.”
“She said she wanted to look like you on her wedding day. That’s just about the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard, and you replied, ‘I’d rather my biological daughter than you,'” they wrote. “She’s 11, so you could have postponed the conversation and said, ‘That’s a really long time away, so we can talk about it when you’re older.'”
“There’s a 95% chance that your bio kid won’t want to wear your wedding dress anyway. And now your stepdaughter knows she’ll always be second in your heart,” they continued.
“You need to do some damage control. Take her out for a special day just her, and give her something meaningful to you for her to keep. She is trying to be closer to you — let her.”
