Teen ‘Forced’ to Take Stepfather’s Last Name, Then Mom Calls It a Betrayal When He Drops It After Turning 18

A teenager turned to Reddit for guidance after years of conflict over a last name he never chose but was expected to accept.

In his post, he shared that his father died when he was 5. Just a year later, his mother remarried, and their two families were quickly blended. His stepfather, also a widower, had four children of his own, while the poster had two siblings.

When his mother and stepfather married, the adults decided that all of the children would receive hyphenated surnames combining both men’s last names. The 18-year-old explained that he and several of his stepsiblings were opposed to the change.

“Not all of us were on board with the idea… the decision wasn’t given to us,” he wrote.

He said his younger siblings adapted more easily, partly because they were so little when the change happened. “They also have no memories of dad… our stepfather is who they remember being there,” he explained.

A few years later, his siblings were adopted by his stepfather. This time, he had a say — and he refused. “I refused to be adopted but had a say this time,” he wrote. His mother adopted one of his stepsiblings, while the others refused and “always hated mom for marrying their dad.”

The hyphenated name became a long-running source of tension. In daily life, the teen simply stopped using his stepfather’s name and introduced himself only with his biological father’s surname. That choice deeply upset his stepfather, who repeatedly said it “really hurt his feelings to be rejected.”

“He said he loved all of us as his kids and he didn’t see why I couldn’t respect his part in my name when he respected my dad’s part in it,” the teen wrote. “I told him I never wanted to change my name to begin with and it was forced on me when I already knew what my name was.”

For the teen, it wasn’t about disliking his stepfather — it was about feeling that a core part of his identity had been altered without his consent. His mother brushed off that feeling, insisting that “kids don’t get a say in adult decisions and kids don’t know what’s best for them.”

She also pushed him to treat his stepfather as a second father, something he felt was not true to his experience.

The conflict intensified when she pressed him on how he really felt. He remembered telling her frankly that “he’s her husband and he’s an okay guy but he’ll never be my dad.” He also pointed out that both adults had prioritized their own wishes when they changed his name: “They didn’t care about my feelings when they changed my name in the first place.”

Over time, his mother’s reactions grew more emotional, especially after three of his stepsiblings cut contact with her and told her they wanted nothing to do with her. Hurt by their decision, she became even more sensitive to his refusal to use his stepfather’s name. He said she grew “extra mad at me for not using the name after and was grumpier with me about that.”

When he turned 18, he finally acted on what he’d wanted for years: he began the process to legally remove his stepfather’s surname. He told his family his plans, but they didn’t take him seriously until it was finalized.

“My stepfather said he never felt as disrespected in his life,” he wrote, adding that his mother reacted with even more anger and disappointment. According to him, she told him she was ashamed of his decision and questioned what it said about him as a person.

“She asked what sort of man didn’t learn to appreciate and love the man who raised him,” he recalled. Despite her reaction, he said he felt nothing but relief after the paperwork went through.

He emphasized that he didn’t regret the decision at all. Reclaiming his original last name, he said, simply felt right: “I’m happy to have my name back the way I always wanted it, the way it should have always been.” His mother, however, viewed his lack of remorse as cruelty, telling him, “It’s clear I don’t even feel a shred of guilt for giving my stepfather the middle finger.”

Commenters on Reddit overwhelmingly supported the teen. One person criticized the adults for ignoring his identity and his bond with his late father, writing, “How dare they force this on you and ultimately try and make you forget about your birth father.” The commenter also encouraged him to stand firm and set boundaries: “Don’t waste another minute on this crap.”

In a reply, the teen reflected on how differently his siblings experienced the situation. “They had no problem with any of it… I think that’s the difference mom didn’t account for,” he wrote.