Teen Wants to Keep Late Dad’s Last Name After Mom’s New Marriage, but She Says It Sends the Wrong Message

A 16-year-old turned to Reddit for advice about a growing conflict in his blended family over his last name.

The teen explained that he’s the only one in his household who doesn’t use the family’s hyphenated last name — and he has no plans to change his mind.

“My mom has asked me about 5 times since she remarried to change my last name but I still say no,” he wrote. He currently uses only his late father’s last name, “Doe,” instead of the new combined family name, “Jones-Smith.”

His choice has created tension with his mom and stepdad, since everyone else in the family — including his half-siblings and stepsiblings — goes by the hyphenated name.

The teen shared that his parents split when he was very young, and his dad passed away when he was 7. His mom remarried when he was 11, bringing her new husband and his three kids into the home.

After the marriage, his mom kept her surname so it would match her younger children. “Instead they hyphenated both and some of the kids changed theirs too,” he explained. “The others didn’t but they use the family name anyway.”

Although the teen offered to use the hyphenated name as a middle name, his mom wasn’t happy with that.

“She said she didn’t like me being the only person not connected in and rejecting the family name,” he wrote. She also told him that even if he didn’t like her husband, “he’s a good guy and a better dad than my half siblings dads.”

Still, the teen wants to keep the name he shares with his late father. “I told her I was good and I wanted to keep using my name,” he wrote, pointing out that his father “was also a good man and was in my life until he died.”

The conflict got worse during a family outing where they made “family crests.” The teen designed one for his father’s last name, while the rest of the family made theirs for the hyphenated name. His stepdad told him he should have done one for the family name too, calling it a “family experience.” When his mom asked if he wanted to redo it, he refused.

Later that night, his mom and stepdad confronted him again. “They told me I don’t need to be so rigid about the name and that never using it just makes it look like I hate all of them,” he said.

Things escalated when his mom reminded him that she could have legally changed his name without his input. “Mom told me she could have changed my name without my permission but she tried to work with me and I spat in her face right back,” he shared. “I told her I could just change it back eventually if she had done that.”

According to him, they were upset by his response and told him that refusing the family name was a “bad” choice.

Many Reddit users, however, supported the teen. One person commented, “NTA, it’s your name, apart from the legacy of your father who you’ve loved and who has loved you from your words, it’s also a huge hassle to change the name on all official documents and stuff like that.”

The teen added that he’s also heard how risky it can be to change your name multiple times. “I would always change it back eventually if mom had mine changed against my wishes,” he wrote.

He ended his post by standing firm on his decision. “I’m not sure what it is that makes it such a risk/pain,” he said. “But I see people talking about it and warning women getting married to keep their own names because of legal issues with changing them.”

With his family pushing for unity through one name, the teen asked Reddit: “AITA for never using the family last name and only using mine?”