Toddler Screams at Night for Mom and Refuses to Be Comforted by Dad. Now, He Feels Like a ‘Lazy and Unwanted’ Father

A father is looking for advice on how to comfort his toddler daughter after bedtime has turned into a nightly struggle.

In a post on the dads subreddit, the dad explained that he and his wife share a close bond with their 3-year-old daughter. His wife is the primary caregiver as a stay-at-home mom, and because he works from home, he also spends plenty of time with his daughter. During the day, he says she’s especially “clingy.” But at night, things have recently changed: after once being a great sleeper, she’s started waking up screaming for her mother.

“If I go into the room she can’t stand the sight of me and will literally scream at me to get out and demand mom,” he wrote. “If I try to sit on the bed she’ll go into a rage and try to push me off until mom comes.”

The dad noted that the intense preference for mom only happens at night, which makes it even harder not to take personally.

“It really stings,” he admitted. “I want to be the one to comfort her. And secondly it means that my wife is having to sit/lie with her in the night, and its really affecting her sleep and is making me feel guilty for just staying in our bed and not helping more.”

He added that when he tries to step in, it often backfires—his daughter gets so upset that she stays awake much longer. To keep things from escalating, his wife usually goes in right away when their daughter calls out.

“If i go in and try then it works her up so much that she won’t sleep for ages,” he wrote. “So for the greater good as soon as she calls out my wife just goes straight in so she doesn’t get worked up.”

He ended his post by saying he and his wife plan to address the sleep issues after they return from an upcoming trip. In the meantime, he asked other dads if they’ve ever felt as helpless—or found themselves in a similar situation.

In the comments, many parents reassured him that what he’s experiencing is common and temporary.

“Dude, kids have phases,” one user wrote. “It’s nothing personal and you both signed up for this. Don’t beat yourself up man, and don’t take it personally.”

Another commenter shared that their family went through something similar and emphasized that it doesn’t last forever.

“My kids went through that too,” they wrote. “It was really hard! But it will pass – and it will likely swing the other way too!”

Others encouraged the dad not to internalize his daughter’s reaction, suggesting it may be tied to a sleep association she’s formed with her mom.

“Sounds like your daughter has gotten hooked on Mom soothing her back to sleep,” one user noted. “This is one one y’all are going to have to nip in the bud, and it’s going to suck for at least a couple of nights. Don’t take it personally, Dad.”