Wife Refuses to Attend Mother-in-Law’s Holiday Gatherings After Years of Insults, but Her Husband Still Plans to Go

A woman turned to Reddit for advice after years of tension with her mother-in-law left her feeling disrespected and unsupported. She says she has been with her husband for six years, but from the beginning, his mother has caused conflict.

“From the moment I met his mother there’s been tension between her and everyone around her,” she wrote, adding that she believes her mother-in-law has an alcohol problem and struggles with her own issues.

She says she understands that her mother-in-law’s behavior likely comes from “her own lack of self-worth and mental health issues.” Still, that hasn’t made it easier to deal with.

“For all six years, I’ve let her disrespect me to my face in front of others, and no one takes up for me,” she explained. Even her husband hasn’t stepped in, which has caused arguments between them. She feels she shouldn’t be the one forced to confront his mother.

Her husband struggles to stand up to his mom because of his own past trauma. “The mistreatment isn’t directed solely at me, but at anyone,” she wrote. “However, I don’t feel I should have to tolerate someone mistreating me just because they do.”

At this point, she says she’s simply fed up. “I dread going to places she is, because she WILL insult or passive-aggressively threaten me,” she shared, adding that her mother-in-law never shows interest in her but instead makes cutting remarks.

She recalled that at her wedding, her mother-in-law “didn’t even know my sisters’ names.” For years she avoided reacting, afraid she might lash out and look bad in front of the family. She thought marriage would change things, but it didn’t. “After our wedding she continued to be disrespectful and rude,” she said.

Last October, she tried addressing the situation directly. “I sat her down woman to woman and firmly but respectfully told her why I keep my distance and explained the many reasons why how she speaks to me and treats me is unacceptable,” she wrote.

But her mother-in-law dismissed every point and painted herself as the victim. “Basically, in one ear and out the other,” she explained.

Since then, the insults have continued. “Because of that, I have gone no contact since March,” she said, recalling the last time she saw her mother-in-law, who shouted, “Well there goes that DEVILISH heather!!!” She said it was framed as a joke, but it was still hurtful.

Her decision to cut ties became even more important after learning her father has cancer. “I’m extra emotional about it,” she admitted, saying she worries she won’t be able to stay calm if confronted again.

This brings her to her central question on Reddit: “So…… AITAH if I don’t want to go with my husband to his mother’s side of Thanksgiving and Christmas?” She explained she just wants to avoid being insulted or lashing out in front of others.

She expects her husband to go, but she wants to set her own boundaries. “Part of me feels bad like I’m abandoning him, but I feel abandoned in the fact that he has never stood up to her when she is insulting me in front of our faces,” she wrote.

The couple has had “countless fights” about her wish for him to defend her, but he won’t. That has left her exhausted and ready to avoid his mother completely.

“She doesn’t benefit our life, she’s hateful to everyone and there’s no getting through to her because she’s never sober and clearly mentally ill with no desire to take accountability,” the woman said.

One commenter reassured her that she’s not in the wrong: “NTA – You’ve endured six years of insults, tried to set boundaries, and your husband won’t defend you. Skipping toxic family events is self-preservation, not abandonment.”

For now, it seems the poster is choosing peace over more pain.