With a Toddler and 1 Income, He Told His Wife the New iPhone Wasn’t Smart Spending. Now She Says He ‘Doesn’t Value Her’

A man turned to Reddit for guidance after a heated disagreement with his partner about her wish to buy the latest iPhone. He explained that he is currently “the only one bringing in money for our family,” and that their monthly expenses are already high with a 2-year-old child.

He said they live comfortably — “in a great area, in a nice apartment” — and that they prioritize organic food and good-quality essentials. Many of the “nice” things he uses, he noted, are covered by his company, including his own work-issued phone, which is a previous-generation iPhone.

Travel was another major expense over the past year. The couple took “one big trip to Asia and two trips in Europe,” which he doesn’t regret but admitted “adds up.”

He added that they still needed to cover the cost of his partner’s driver’s license and that their grocery and childcare-related spending comes to “around €1,300 a month,” despite her pointing out that she cooks at home to help save money.

The tension escalated when his partner said she wanted the newest iPhone model. He said he tried to calmly walk her through the numbers, explaining that last year’s model was nearly identical in features for significantly less money. “I told her the previous model… is massively discounted and practically the same,” he wrote, saying he even compared prices with her.

According to him, she misunderstood the costs and argued that renting or paying in installments would be cheaper. “It’s basic math, but she kept pushing that narrative,” he said, emphasizing that he never forbade her from choosing the phone she wanted. His concern, he explained, was that “paying €600–700 extra for the newest version feels irresponsible” after such an expensive year.

He stressed that their family could enjoy luxuries, just not all at once. “Not three vacations, premium groceries, the nicest phone, and a driver’s license in the same year,” he wrote. His goal was to boost their savings, especially since he hadn’t been able to contribute anything for two months due to holidays and childcare costs.

His partner became upset and argued that if she were earning her own income, “no one would question her spending.” He responded that she was “absolutely free to work” and pointed out that their child is already in half-day daycare, giving her several hours each day. He even offered to arrange full-day care if she wanted to return to work, but she chose not to.

She then accused him of acting as if she didn’t deserve a phone, which he insisted was not the case. “I explicitly left the choice open,” he wrote, calling it unfair when she compared his company-provided phone and company-leased BMW SUV to her wish for an upgrade. He emphasized that he doesn’t personally pay for those perks.

After commenters weighed in, he returned with more details. He clarified that the company car was a deliberate treat for himself. “It is my company, hence I could have chosen a less expensive car,” he explained, adding that the difference would have only saved about €100 a month. He considered it his one real indulgence outside of their trip to Asia.

He also praised his partner as a devoted mother, noting that she gets up with their child during the night and has made many sacrifices over the past two years between pregnancy and parenting. At the same time, he reminded readers that he wasn’t immune to the pressure either. “I even got nervous stomach from all the stress,” he said.

One commenter suggested that he might be framing the problem the wrong way. They encouraged him to focus on key questions: Would the purchase require going into debt? How old is her current phone? And what financial goals should take priority right now? “If the answer is no, then the answer is no and she has to wait,” the commenter wrote, suggesting that timing — more than the specific phone model — was the real issue.

He replied that they technically could afford the new phone using his Christmas bonus, but doing so would push their savings further off track. “We’re behind in savings contributions already,” he admitted.

He added that her current phone is about six years old, but insisted the issue wasn’t whether she deserved an upgrade. “She would get the same phone I have… for 600–700 bucks cheaper,” he reiterated.

In the end, he said his message was simple: “We need to save money, also for next year’s [vacations] and her driver[‘s] license.” His intent, he explained, wasn’t to control her choices, but to keep their family on solid financial footing.