Woman Asks Sister to Buy All 9 of Her Kids Individual Presents for Christmas. Now, She’s Upset When the Bill Totals over $1,000

A woman is questioning whether she’s in the wrong for refusing to buy individual Christmas presents for her sister’s nine children this year.

She shared her story on Reddit’s AITA forum, explaining that she and her sister aren’t particularly close. Nothing dramatic happened between them, she wrote — they simply live very different lives and don’t have much in common. They usually just exchange texts on birthdays and major holidays, and it’s been about eight years since they last saw each other in person.

The poster said she doesn’t have children, while her sister always dreamed of having a big family. After getting married, that dream became reality: she and her husband now have nine kids, ranging in age from 2 to 16. Once the fifth child was born, the poster decided that instead of buying a gift for each child, she would start giving one larger, more expensive present that all of the kids could share every Christmas.

Her thinking was that one bigger, higher-quality item was nicer than nine small, cheaper gifts. She also noted that her sister never complained or objected to this arrangement.

This year, however, her sister called to say that money was “super tight” and asked for a change. Instead of one shared gift, she wanted each child to have their own present to unwrap. When the poster asked to see the kids’ Christmas lists, she was shocked by what they contained.

“Most of the kids asked for really expensive electronic items, totally well over 100 bucks a kid,” she wrote. “If I got everyone something from their list, that would come to well over $1,000. I haven’t even met some of the kids, and I am not even part of a religion that celebrates Christmas, so I thought that was a ton of cash to drop.”

She told her sister she was sorry they were struggling financially, but that she simply couldn’t afford to spend over $1,000 on Christmas gifts. Her sister became upset and said she wanted each child to have something to open. The poster said she understood that desire, but explained that unless she was given some more affordable ideas, that level of spending just wasn’t possible.

After some back-and-forth, her sister ended the conversation by calling her a “jerk” and hanging up. Now, the poster is wondering if she’s really in the wrong for refusing to buy nine separate presents.

Commenters largely agreed that she is not at fault and that her sister’s expectations are unreasonable.

“She chose to have 9 kids. She should not expect someone else to carry the load at Christmas. Even a $20 gift for each child will be $200 or so,” one person pointed out.

Another commenter wrote, “NTA, you aren’t close so she’s lucky you do anything at all. If I were you I’d tell her you’ll do what you can and if it’s not appreciated you can do nothing instead. Her financial issues are not your problem or responsibility.”

Some people noted that the children’s wish lists themselves were concerning. One person said the sister’s attitude would make them scale back even more: “The fact that she doesn’t see an issue with her kids requesting expensive things and thinks you’re the problem would make me get each one a $10 gift card and that’s it. And I’d only do that because they’re kids and can’t help if their parents are awful.”

Another commenter suggested that the sister’s outburst likely has more to do with her own stress and guilt than with the poster’s actual response.

“NTA, but your sister’s reaction is not about you or your response, it’s about her own guilt about not being able to afford nice expensive gifts for [her] children,” they wrote. “It feels unreasonable for her to ask you to do that because it is (unless you can afford it comfortably). She’s got feelings but she is directing them towards you. I personally would let it slide. She either realizes it or doesn’t.”

A third person speculated that the sister might be making assumptions about the poster’s finances simply because she doesn’t have kids.

“You are not an AH. She sounds as if she is somewhat desperate and with that many children, that would not be a surprise,” they wrote. “She likely assumes that with no children, you are well off financially and spending $1,000 on her kids would be doable. That is really unreasonable of her.”

That commenter did offer one practical compromise: “Having said that, do send 9 wrapped gifts but restrict the costs to what you can afford. Be sure to include a card with each gift specifying that it is from Aunt X and Uncle Y.”