Woman Doesn’t Feel Comfortable with Her 11-Month-Old Sleeping Over at Her In-Laws’ House. Husband Tells Her She’s ‘Acting Crazy’

A mother is seeking advice after feeling uneasy about her 11-month-old daughter spending the night at her in-laws’ house for the first time.

In a post on the AITA subreddit, the original poster (OP) explained that her husband, 35, informed her earlier in the week that he had plans for their daughter to sleep over at his parents’ home.

“I told him no,” she wrote. “I don’t feel comfortable with that as she is young, and a playpen is an inappropriate place to sleep due to SIDS risk.”

OP said her husband responded that “it doesn’t matter what I think,” and refused to cancel the overnight plans.

“He told me it doesn’t matter what I think, and he will not cancel the plans,” she explained. “I told him last night that she will not be spending the night over there, and this morning he took her to daycare right away, so I didn’t get to say goodbye. He told me his mom is picking her up and I need to back off because I’m overreacting and ‘acting crazy.'”

The mother later shared that when she picked up her daughter from her in-laws, her mother-in-law “definitely gave me attitude about it,” making her sense that “something was up.”

“If I don’t feel comfortable with something as a parent, I am not gonna let it happen and that’s the truth,” she concluded. “I’m going to trust my intuition.”

In the comment section, many users supported OP, noting that she wasn’t wrong for opposing the sleepover. One commenter highlighted that her husband could have approached the situation differently, which reinforced that OP wasn’t at fault.

“You don’t just overrule and he could have had a conversation with you. Compromise. Anything,” the user wrote. “Even if he had concerns about you being overprotective or having postpartum anxiety, by going behind your back he’s making it worse. There are much better ways of handling it.”

The commenter also suggested OP connect with postpartum support groups or other new parents for guidance, offering tips to help manage anxiety about SIDS. They concluded by reassuring OP that she wasn’t wrong.

“If you don’t think any of your wants/needs/desires/etc will be respected by your in-laws then it’s an absolute no for a sleepover (or unsupervised alone time),” they wrote.

Other users, however, felt more context was needed. One commenter cautioned against assuming OP was overreacting, noting that the risk of SIDS at 11 months is significantly lower.

“Depending on the tone and situation I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong/bad for your husband to be drawing a line,” they wrote. “Have you been suffering from PPD/PPA? Have you been stressed/not sleeping/needing a break? I’m a mom but I’m trying to see this from the husband point of view of him trying to take care of you because you aren’t taking care of yourself.”

Another commenter echoed the need for more details: “We need more information. I’m all for protecting kiddo and mom but for all we know dad is protecting the kiddo,” they wrote.

In response, OP shared that her husband has “consistently been doing this since I gave birth.”

“I’m aware I have anxiety and I am seeing a therapist for it. Whatever my mother-in-law says for advice on babies, no matter how dated it is, he will do and not listen to me,” she wrote.

OP recounted another incident where her husband tried to feed their daughter five-hour-old formula because his mother suggested it. She explained that such experiences are why she is cautious, emphasizing that she doesn’t believe her in-laws would intentionally harm her child but feels responsible for preventing potential mishaps.

“I have discussed with him separating and just coparenting and he told me I can’t go anywhere because we made an oath to God,” she shared.

“So at this point, I’m trying to set things up to where it’s not gonna be a nasty situation for my daughter,” OP added. “I know I’m not crazy and my therapist agrees that I’m not crazy but it’s pretty hard to believe when your spouse tells you there’s something wrong with you while doing butthole things.”