A woman turned to Reddit for advice after feeling hurt that her friends didn’t adjust a dinner plan to include her — even though she tried to make it work.
She explained that the situation began when she and a few friends talked about visiting a new restaurant that some of them hadn’t been to yet. She was excited about the plan and said everyone initially agreed to go on Friday.
When the day arrived, one friend texted to say that the restaurant required reservations and decided to book a table for the following Tuesday at 6 p.m., explaining that this was the only day that worked for everyone.
However, the woman realized that Tuesday conflicted with an optional lecture she was considering attending for her coursework. Hoping for a compromise, she asked if they could move the dinner to Monday or Wednesday instead. Her friends declined, saying Tuesday was already confirmed with the rest of the group.
Accepting that the plan seemed final, she still tried to find some flexibility. She asked if the reservation could include her as a “maybe” so she could decide later, but her friend said that would inconvenience the restaurant. They told her they needed a clear answer — yes or no — and would move forward without her if she couldn’t commit.
:max_bytes(150000):strip_icc():focal(749x0:751x2):format(webp)/woman-eating-alone-101025-e4d7f4893e434320aef338cf4f185ca6.jpg)
Not wanting to miss an important lecture, she told them to go ahead without her.
By Monday, though, she received an update from her tutors saying the lecture would be “very chill, laid-back and doesn’t follow through from what is taught in required lectures.” Realizing she was now free, she texted her friends to ask if she could still join.
But by the next day — the day of the dinner — she got a reply saying it was too late. Her friends explained that the restaurant was small, fully booked, and the reservation couldn’t be changed. They reminded her that she’d had the chance to decide earlier.
She reminded them that she’d initially asked for the reservation to include her, but the conversation grew tense. She said she began to feel “a bit slighted,” explaining that the way they organized the plan “incidentally left me out.”
“I wanted to go and I wanted to accept the invite,” she wrote. “But I felt that the dilemma I was put in meant that I had to self-eliminate from the plan.”
Her friends told her that she was “overreacting” and “blowing it out of proportion,” insisting that the plan was already set in stone.
She disagreed, saying that friendship should include an effort to make someone feel welcome — even if it’s not guaranteed. “It’s the attempt at inclusion that matters,” she explained.
Eventually, they agreed to disagree. Her friends told her they thought she was being indecisive and that her “decision-making skills could be stronger.”
:max_bytes(150000):strip_icc():focal(749x0:751x2):format(webp)/woman-left-out-101025-4c5f86489bc5496abc7058e5847d4a4f.jpg)
Feeling conflicted, she asked Reddit: “Was I asking for too much from my friends, and should I have been more definite in my decision from the start?”
One commenter summarized it as “a classic communication breakdown, not a malicious act,” saying that it came down to a “clash of priorities” — her friends valued a firm plan, while she valued the effort of inclusion.
The woman agreed with that perspective, saying she didn’t want her friends to feel attacked and tried to avoid making them feel wrong. Though she was still hurt, she said the discussion helped her understand their side better and made her reflect on how communication can easily get lost between friends.
