Woman Finds Out Fiancé Gave Majority of Their Emergency Fund to His Struggling Sister

A woman is now unsure about creating a joint account with her fiancé after he took most of the money from their emergency fund without telling her.

On Reddit, the 24-year-old explained that she and her 28-year-old fiancé have lived together for almost two years and have been engaged for seven months. They had saved about $6,000 in an emergency fund for things like “car repairs, medical emergencies, or if one of us lost our job.”

Last week, her fiancé received a call from his sister, and he seemed upset. The next morning, she discovered $5,000 was missing from their shared account.

“He transferred it to her without saying anything to me first, and then told me over coffee, all casual like, ‘I knew you’d understand,'” she wrote.

She felt shocked because they had upcoming expenses, such as new brakes for their car, insurance, and a rent increase. However, he said she was being “unsupportive” and that in marriage, couples are supposed to “share everything.”

She responded, explaining that “sharing doesn’t mean making a huge decision” without discussing it first. She then set a few new rules:

1. Both of them must agree on any transfers or purchases over £200.
2. A written repayment plan with his sister.
3. Each having separate day-to-day accounts, plus a joint account for bills.
4. A postnuptial agreement (postnup) before setting a wedding date.

“He thinks that’s out of order and says I’m ‘punishing him for helping,’ and he won’t ask his sister to pay it back because she’s ‘going through it,'” she added. “His mom even said I was being dramatic and that this is just what family does for each other.”

Since then, she has paused wedding planning and moved her wages into her personal account.

“Am I overreacting? Is asking for a postnup normal after something like this? How would you handle family loans in a marriage? Would you move forward with the wedding or hold off?” she asked.

Commenters quickly shared their opinions, mostly agreeing that she should reconsider both her finances and her relationship.

One wrote, “A prenup (since you’re not yet married) is only useful if you have assets before marriage that you want to keep separate. You don’t sound like you need that. What you do need is a partner who doesn’t make large financial decisions without consulting you.”

They added, “This is about more than money. Why does he think his needs and his family’s needs come before yours as a couple? You are smart to separate your money and to pause the wedding. It’s also concerning that his mother is involved in your personal finances.”

Another commenter said, “Think carefully about this. It’s a huge red flag that your fiancé thinks taking a big chunk of money from your shared account for his sister is no big deal.”